


Everything Comes Back To You

by millionlittletings



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Lawyer Harry, M/M, Photographer Louis, alternates between past and present, beach wedding, law university
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 18:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11538066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millionlittletings/pseuds/millionlittletings
Summary: Harry can't wait for his best friend to get married. It should've been the most amazing three days, drinking, dancing, enjoying the occasion. But as a person from his past unexpectedly arrives at the wedding, Harry is conflicted about his emotions and his past.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [irishvelvet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irishvelvet/gifts).



> Thanks, Rita and Saskia for helping me with the fic. I don't know how it would have turned out with your help darlings.
> 
> Thanks Akua for helping me with how unis work in London :)  
>  
> 
> Thank you for taking your time to give it a read, Reader. Have a nice day :)

**Prologue**

 

Louis blinks his eyes a couple of times to adjust to the darkness. He burrows further inside the quilt, pulling it up to his face and curling himself inwards. He can feel every limb of his body in pain and he makes up his mind to get a proper massage tomorrow morning. Louis’ stomach makes an aggressive sound and cursing under his breath he reaches to the bedside table to switch on the lamp. He rubs his eyes to drive away the sleepiness and checks the time on the clock. It reads 4 o'clock in the morning, meaning that he has been sleeping for almost 12 hours straight. He fell asleep as soon as he checked into his room.

 

Reluctantly he gets out of bed, orders himself grilled salmon and goes to have a warm shower, hoping that the warm water will soothe his knotted muscles.

 

Tying the knot of his bathrobe, he checks his phone for any messages or emails. As always, there are a number of them. One email, however, catches his attention. It’s from his best friend Zayn. He bites his lips lightly and puts down his phone.

 

Taking a bite of his salmon, he looks out at the vast sea in front of him. The quiet gentle lapping of waves and the cool wind is very welcoming. Being a travel photographer, Louis spends most of his time traveling. His life is so busy and vibrant that he keeps forgetting how relaxing quiet times are. It was the first time in four months that he had a two days break. He has been to the Bahamas a couple of times for his projects but never had a chance to spend a few days by himself. So after his project was finished in the Bahamas, he decided to take a break. This was the maximum he could fit in his schedule before his next project took off in Malaysia.

 

His mind wanders back to the email from Zayn. He feels guilty for being an absent friend. He honestly cannot remember the last time he talked to Zayn. But it isn’t his fault that he doesn’t have enough time. He sometimes doesn't realize how morning turns into night, days into weeks and weeks into months. A few days ago his colleague had asked him to bill himself for the month and Louis laughed saying he did it already. To Louis’ surprise, his friend told him that was last month. It was only then that Louis realized an entire month had passed.

 

He doesn’t have much to complain about. He wanted to be a travel photographer, traveling to places, every day being a new experience. Being an award winning travel photographer, Louis is proud of his decision.

 

Taking a deep breath he opens the email and plays the video attached to it. Suddenly Zayn’s beautiful face pops on the screen. His hair is shaved on the sides, dense stubble, tie slightly undone. To Louis, it seemed like Zayn came back from work and recorded the video. There’s a smile on Zayn’s face and his eyes are glinting. Louis’ heart fills with joy looking at him.

 

As Zayn’s voice reaches him, nostalgia hits him.

 

“Louis! You idiot. How are you doing, man? It has been such a long time since we talked. Damn it’s been such a long time since we saw each other.”

 

Louis can feel a slight pain in his chest as Zayn speaks.

 

“I have to give you some news. Louis, I’m getting married!” A giggle escapes Zayn and a smile makes its way to Louis’ face. “Yes, I am. The wedding is in Monaco, I’ll send you all the details."

 

Louis smiles giddily, from ear to ear.

 

Suddenly Zayn goes all quiet and takes a deep breath before speaking.

 

“Lou! Will you be my best man?”

 

Louis’ face falls at the question and the smile vanishes from his face.

 

Zayn continues, “I know you are very busy and all that. But Lou, I hope  you are there with me when I take the biggest step of my life.”

 

Zayn’s voice cracks as he continues, “I miss you, Lou! I miss you a lot. I miss our days, I miss having you around me. I miss our late night talks, our fuck ups, our mischiefs, our friendship. Nobody can ever take your place in my life.”

 

Louis’ lips quiver at that.

 

Zayn shakes his head, “Ah! I got carried away. Anyway back to the topic of my wedding. It’s gonna be huge and it will be fun. Be there, Lou! Reply to me soon. Bye. Take care!”

The video ends and tears make way to Louis’ eyes.

 

*

 


	2. Chapter 2

**_Three months later…._ **

 

“Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!..,” is all I can hear as I try to drown the second bottle of beer. It’s not chilled enough, and there’s a funny feeling in my stomach now. Shit! I hate beer.

 

“I won!” Mike, from work, shouts. Mike and I are close friends. He is a couple of years senior to me and he is always there to guide me and help me out with work if I need any help. Liam and I work in the same place after he referred me to his workplace two years ago. I needed to change my job and Liam’s happened to have an opening. I like working here. They have more high profile clients and their cases are equally challenging and interesting. 

 

I wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeve. He turns to look at me, “Don’t be sad, Harry!”

 

“I let you win chica!” I slap his bum lightly. He is sweet. But I hate beer and I knew I was going to lose anyway. But hello! I’m not gonna accept my defeat like this. 

 

Somebody pops open a champagne and showers it everywhere before putting it in Liam’s mouth. His ‘groom -to- be’ collar looks so funny. Some of the champagne leaks out from his nose. I laugh looking at it. 

 

“Get him super drunk. He should be drunk,” I shout over the loud music of the club. After all, it is his bachelor party. Next week he will be a married man. I’m so happy for him. It’s not every day you find the person of your dreams and get to spend your life with them.

 

I walk up to him and stuff his face with mini burgers. Liam has been working out almost every day just to look fit for his wedding. And as I am his best friend and best man, I have to make sure he eats properly. Working out is fun. But when you have to give up good food to keep in shape, that’s when it gets boring and difficult. But there are cheat days and your own bachelor’s party is a good excuse to eat all the carbs, guilt-free.

 

He is going to hate me tomorrow morning. 

 

“Guys! Stop,” Liam says in a muffled voice. 

 

But who is gonna stop the best club in London with the best food and alcohol accompanied by the best music! Everyone here is dancing, enjoying their time. Mike and I drag Liam to the dance floor and dance till our legs give way. 

 

Standing outside the club in the wee hours, waiting for a taxi is a giant pain in the ass. I’m drunk, tired and I need my bed. But since it is my best man duty to make sure Liam gets home properly, I decide to help him get a cab. 

 

“My head hurts!” Liam groans beside me sitting on the footpath. He is totally gonna hate me tomorrow for shoving so much alcohol and burgers into his mouth.

 

I huff in defeat and sit down next to him so he can lay his head. Where the fuck is his uber?

 

“Can’t wait for you to get married,” I say.

 

“Me too!” Liam finds a perfect place on my shoulder to rest his head. “Zayn was quite gloomy today before I left.”

 

“Why?” I ask. Zayn has been over the moon since they got engaged. 

 

“Louis isn’t coming to the wedding. Zayn was hoping that he would rsvp at the last minute but he hasn’t,” Liam says in a tired voice. 

 

This shocks me, not that I was looking forward to meeting him at the wedding. That ass cannot even find time to attend his best friend’s wedding. I’m so furious at him. Add it to the list of things I hate about Louis fucking Tomlinson.

 

“I’m sorry, Li!” I try to console him. “There’s nothing anyone can do.”

 

“I know! I was hoping…” Liam stops mid way. His shoulders sag in defeat. I resent seeing him like this. I don’t even wanna think how Zayn must be doing. 

 

I turn my head towards the car approaching us. 

 

“There’s your cab,” I point out to him. 

 

Liam raises his head and murmurs “Thank fuck! Thanks for such an amazing party, Harry.” He opens his arms to hug me. I hug him back tighter. 

 

“Now go back home to your man,” I say as I help him inside the cab and wave him goodbye.

 

*

 

The whole way home I’m fuming, mentally fighting with Louis, telling him he is a shitty person to bail out on his best friend like this. But this is his habit, he just vanishes, and leaves and then forgets about everyone. He is selfish. 

 

As soon as I get home, I go straight to my room and open my closet. At the bottom rack, under all my unused clothes, in the corner is the shoe box that has everything I avoid seeing. I keep it hidden from my eyesight, but it stays at the back of my head all the time. Opening the box is like opening a box of memories. A bunch of receipts for lunches and dinners I had with Louis, a ticket for a Coldplay concert we both went to, a neatly folded silk scarf that I never wore, a paper napkin where he drew the ugliest stick figures of both of us and wrote our names phonetically, then lying beneath all those is his picture. I take out the picture of him. I don’t know why I still have this picture and all this stuff with me. I should have gotten rid of it all the day he left and never came back. But I couldn’t bring myself to throw everything away, still can’t. I look at his face, all beautiful and angelic, crinkles by his eyes, head slightly tilted back and hair fanning his forehead. 

 

“I hate you,” I scream at his face. “I hate you so much.” I hate him now, I have hated him since the day I met him. 

 

And all the memories flood back. 

 

*

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**_Six years back…_ **

 

Shit! I’m late for class. This uni is bloody huge and it’s difficult to find your class. I’ve already got lost three times and had to ask two students for directions. Well, I’m so happy that the educational trust in my hometown put in a good word for me, and my academics were an added advantage. They’re also paying half my uni fees which I’m grateful for, else I wouldn’t have been able to afford to study in a premier law university.

 

Finally! I think I’ve found it. I take a deep breath. I’m so nervous, oh God! I can feel it at the back of my throat. Ok, I need to go inside the classroom. With all the chattering coming out, I doubt the professor is there yet. Just to make sure, I peek inside the classroom and yes, no professor. I pull down the hem of my shirt and step inside.

 

Wow! It’s huge. The entire classroom is arranged in a semicircle, with the tables and chairs raised on steps. Everyone is busy talking to each other, taking the advantage of the unsupervised classroom. I can feel eyes on me as I walk further. Of course, everyone will want to see the guy who is joining the class three week late. Damn! This is making me nervous. A high pitched laugh comes from somewhere and I sheepishly look for an empty seat.

 

Ah! There’s one in the middle of the left side of the room. I walk up a few stairs to the empty seat and find a guy going through his notes.

 

I clear my throat before speaking. “Hi! Can I sit here?”

 

The guy raises his head and says smiling, “Yeah sure”. He has a cute face, puppy eyes, a pretty smile. There are light dark circles beneath his eyes.

 

I settle in my seat and take out my notebook.

 

“I’m Harry!” I say, offering my hand.

 

“I’m Liam,” he says taking my hand and shaking it. "You’re new here!"

 

“Yep! My nan wasn’t doing well and I had to be there, so I’m late in joining the session.”

 

“Oh no! Is she ok now?” he seems concerned.

 

“Yeah lil better. Thanks for asking,” I say.

 

“No problem mate. I can help you with my notes. We’re quite ahead in almost every subject. It will take you some time to catch up.”

 

He’s so sweet and helpful. It’s nice to know that someone is willing to help me with notes and everything. I was sure I would have to do it all by myself.

 

“That would be amazing. Thank you so much. I have actually gone through a few chapters so I have a clue what might be going on in the subjects, but thanks for the help,” I say delightedly.

 

“No worries pal!”

 

The entire classroom falls silent as the professor enters.

 

The entire first half of the day passes in a rush, my excitement to know about the subjects building higher after every class.

 

It takes me a while to find the cafeteria. Liam had some doubts to clear about the lecture, so he and a few other students stayed back in class. I, however, am very hungry. The cafeteria is huge and opens to the big lawn. There’s a huge variety of food laid out on the counter and a few tables next to it. I settle for noodle soup and a grilled chicken sandwich. It’s warm and sunny outside and I take my lunch tray out to the lawn to get some sun. As I step out onto the grass, I hear that roar of a laugh once again. I’m sure it isn’t directed at me; it seems like the guys were discussing something already ‘cos I can hear some chatter along with it. I turn my head to look into the direction of the noise and I see three guys sitting on top of the table. The one in the middle laughs again, it’s the same laugh I heard in the classroom. His hair is a mess, Ray-Ban aviators guard his eyes. There’s a huge bee printed on his ripped blue sweat-shirt and Givenchy written in bold. His faded boyfriend jeans are rolled at the ankles giving a sneak peak of his triangle tattoo. A cigarette in between his fingers is held so delicately, I wonder if it’s going to fall down in the next second. He takes a drag of his cigarette and passes it to the guy his arm is looped around, who’s wearing suede biker jacket and ripped jeans. There are so many people milling and standing around them- seems like they are the popular kids of the uni.

 

“Hey! What?” someone says to me.

 

Shit!

 

One of the guys sitting right to the sweatshirt guy is looking at me. His arms are wrapped around a cute girl.

 

“I’m sorry!” I say in a rush. I shouldn’t have been looking at them, it’s creepy.

 

The sweatshirt guy turns his head towards me, lowers down his aviators and a smirk crosses his face.

 

Before I can say anything else, Liam comes and drags me by my arm. “Let’s go, Harry!”

 

“Wait! Who are they?” I ask him as he keeps dragging me across the lawn.

 

“They’re people you shouldn’t mess with.”

 

“I wasn’t messing with anyone,” I say stubbornly as we reach the far end of the lawn and find a vacant table. “I just wanted to know whose laugh it was.”

 

Liam sits down with his tray and opens his bottle of juice. I sit down as well and take a bite of my lunch.

 

“Who are they?” I ask, hoping he’ll give me an answer.

 

“The one wearing the sweat-shirt is Louis Tomlinson, son of Derek Tomlinson who owns UK’s biggest law firm. The one with the biker jacket is Zayn Malik. His father is a congressman. Basically, Zayn comes from a family of politicians. The one who called you out is Niall Horan. He is Louis’ cousin, grew up with him and all that.”

 

I turn my head to look at them. They are far away but I can still see so many people around them.

“Why is everyone around them?” I ask.

 

“Louis and Zayn’s fathers fund this university generously. Obviously, everyone hopes to be in their good books to get special treatment. Even teachers favor them.”

 

“That’s unfair,” I say, concerned as I had thought that teachers are not supposed to favor anyone.

 

Liam just shrugs.

 

I continue with my lunch and don’t bother about Louis and his crew for the rest of the day.

 

*

 

It’s been a week since I started my classes and thankfully I have managed to find two jobs: one at the university library and another at the bakery in front of the university. It’s gonna help me pay my tuition. I’m not too hopeful that I’ll be able to save much but ugh, we’ll see. Liam has been more than helpful. I shifted to his flat as a roommate yesterday, as he’d been looking for a flatmate to split the rent. I can say things are going well and I’m settling down here. I like the uni, its architecture, and its vast library. I got my membership and went to look for some books, and ended up spending three hours there without realizing it. Even the professors are helpful here. I don’t know many students and haven’t had time to make friends yet, but everyone seems nice so far.

 

Finding a parking spot is so difficult ‘round here. Thankfully I found one quickly...that’s a first in a week.

As I lock the doors of my car, a Range Rover comes and stops behind my car. As I look at the car to see who it belongs to, a hand with a cigarette held delicately between two fingers pops out followed by a head. Louis Tomlinson puffs out a huge white cloud of smoke. My eyes flicker to the passenger seat and I find Zayn sat next to him with his legs propped up on the dashboard.

 

“That’s my parking space, mate. Park yours somewhere else,” Louis says.

 

Excuse me, what?

 

I look around the parking. “Your name’s not written anywhere. Park your car somewhere else.”

 

An amused expression crosses his face, and he raises his eyebrows.

 

“I’m asking you once again. Get your car out,” he says. I can sense a hint of warning.

 

“I don’t have time. But..,” I take out my car keys and hold them out for him, “Be my guest.”

 

“Bitch! What did you say?” Zayn puts his feet down from the dashboard and opens the door.

 

“Uhuh! Leave him, Z! He’s new here,” Louis says. He turns his head back at me and calmly speaks, “I’ll park somewhere else today but starting tomorrow you will leave this parking space alone,” he says. His orange reflectors are bothering me now. Who wears such things?!

 

“We’ll see!” I say, and walk away,  not wanting to carry on the discussion about some stupid parking. These rich kids!

 

*

 

Over the next few days, I get so caught up with my studies and part-time jobs that I barely have time for anything else. Also, our evaluations are approaching. I really need to ace them, as based on these marks the educational fund will decide whether to fund me further or not. I cannot afford to lose. Things are the same in uni as well. Every now and then I come across Louis Tomlinson and his squad, either chilling in the canteen or the parking lot. The place smells like a chimney wherever they are. The only place I never see them is the library - they don’t even come anywhere near it. They are nonsense during lectures, always asking weird questions and distracting everyone. Basically, they’re a bunch of loud and annoying guys.

 

Zayn has been dry coughing every now and then for the last ten minutes. It’s interrupting my concentration in the lecture. He isn’t sitting too far from me, just the next row and one seat behind. Liam, next to me, huffs out a sigh and takes out his bottle of water from under his table. He makes sure that the professor is facing the board when he turns to look at Zayn and waves his bottle of water at him. I turn to look at Zayn and he nods slightly at Liam. Hopefully, this will stop his coughing and I can concentrate without interruption.

 

“This is what happens when you smoke like a chimney!” I murmur to myself. Liam throws the bottle at Zayn.

 

“Mr. Payne!” our professor calls him.

 

Shit!

 

“Leave the class, right now!” he asks him.

 

What! This is ridiculous. He can’t do this.

 

“But sir..,” Liam starts to speak but gets interrupted by the professor.

 

“It’s a serious lecture and you are causing a distraction,” he says in a stern voice. “Just leave!”

 

At the same moment, Zayn stands up. “Sir! It was my fault. Not his. Why are you punishing him? He didn’t do anything.”

 

“Mr. Malik please take your seat, this doesn’t concern you.” He says with so much politeness. The stark contrast of his curtness towards Liam and politeness towards Zayn is palpable. "Just sit down!"

 

Everyone really does favor them here. And it is bloody unfair.

 

The Professor narrows his eyes at Liam and Liam gives up. It’s so evident that there’s no use trying to prove anything. Liam picks up his books and leaves the class with his head held down.

 

I turn to look at Zayn, and it seems like he’s feeling guilty. His lips are pursed and he’s looking at the door. Louis is saying something in his ear. Suddenly Louis’ eyes meet mine and I throw daggers at him. Because of his friend, my friend had to leave the class.

 

I hate them.

 

Gaaahhh!

 

*

 

“There was no use of arguing with the professor,” I say to Liam while we are having lunch. He seems a bit upset.

 

“Yeah!” Liam sighs and takes a sip of his juice. “I actually went to the library and finished the topic. It was nice. Silent and no interruption.”

 

“Hi!” a nervous greeting grabs our attention.

 

Zayn is standing with the bottle of water in his hand that Liam had given him. An apology is still written on his face.

 

“I wanted to apologize about what happened in class,” he says quietly.

 

Oh! So this clan does know how to apologize.

 

“It should have been me kicked out of the class, not you,” Zayn says. He looks at Liam sheepishly and gives him his bottle. “I’m sorry.”

 

Liam looks at him and I can tell he is trying to find something to say.

 

“It’s alright! Don’t worry,” Liam says and looks down at his lunch. It’s nothing but salad and juice.

 

“No! No.. let me make it up to you,” Zayn insists. Liam looks back at him.

 

“It’s really not required.”

 

“Please let me. I’ll feel guilty otherwise,” Zayn is really trying to make up to him now.

 

Liam reluctantly agrees, and Zayn smiles from ear to ear.

 

“We’re having a party this Saturday at my house, it would be good if you came,” Zayn says.

 

He turns to look at me. “You should come too.”

 

“No thanks! I have to study. Evaluations are coming up,” I shrug and turn my concentration back to my lunch.

 

“Oh yeah! I have to study as well. But thanks for the invite,” Liam says.

 

“You both study all the time,” Zayn says and it seems like he thinks studying is ridiculous.

 

I look back at him and scrunch my face, “We have to, you know!”

 

Zayn rolls his eyes at me. Excuse me! What is your problem? You might not have a thing to care about but we have our future to worry about.

 

“Listen a few hours in a party will not hurt anyone and not even your grades. Also, research shows that a break from studies increases the efficiency and helps in remembering,” Zayn says proudly.

 

For a man, who has never picked up a research paper, he surely knows how to fake it with confidence.

 

“Please, guys!” Zayn pleads.

 

“Alright! We’ll come,” Liam says in defeat.

 

Hello? What!

 

“It’s just a few hours, Harry!” Liam says biting his lip. He knows he fucked up here.

 

“Yay! Thanks. Will let you know the address,” Zayn says happily and leaves.

 

I gape at Liam and he silently says, “Please! I won’t go there alone. He seemed sorry.”

 

I narrow my eyes at him.

 

“We’ll go and leave in 10 minutes,” Liam promises.

 

“Alright!”

 

*

 

 

When Zayn said a party at his house, he hadn’t mentioned that the party would have hundreds of people and seemingly endless food and drink, nor did he mention that his house is basically a mansion. When Liam and I entered the driveway, my eyes opened wide looking at the surroundings. So many trees lined the driveway, and a bloody huge fountain sat in the middle of the well-manicured garden. As we climbed the stairs of the entrance, the loud music basically deafened us. I could feel the thump of the beat in my body.

 

Once we’re inside, both Liam and I stand in the middle of the room looking around, trying to find Zayn, let him know we’ve come, and leave. There are many familiar faces from our class and uni, but I hardly know anyone here apart from Liam.

 

“He must be outside,” Liam says. We walk towards the back garden of the mansion. A few people are in the swimming pool and a few dancing are around with drinks in hand. Liam asks someone about Zayn, who tells us that he’s in the outhouse.

 

We have to cross another garden to reach the outhouse, since it’s at the far end of the mansion’s grounds. As we approach, we can hear hooting and cheering noises coming from the outhouse. Liam and I look at each other before opening the door. Inside, a group of people are cheering over something but I can’t see anything, people in front of me are blocking the view.

 

We make our way to the middle of the room and find Louis and Zayn standing over the couch with Playstation remotes in their hands. They’re competing against each other at GTA. Their socked feet, playful bantering, little jumps over the couch and continuous laughter, make me smile.

 

I don’t know for how long I stand there watching them, and laughing subconsciously. It’s a good sight to take in. And Louis Tomlinson looks good. The color of his cream jumper matches his skin, although his cheeks are pink from laughing. I mean, I’m not saying this is in any I’m-attracted-to-him kind of way, but in general. Even though there’s lots of cheering and too much noise in the room, I can hear him laughing perfectly. His voice, distinct and high pitched, is impossible to miss.

 

Niall appears out of nowhere, holding a huge bottle of champagne in his hand, and disconnects the remote cord. A loud booing follows and he shouts over the crowd.

 

“It ain’t about winning or losing.” Pointing his bottle towards Zayn and Louis he continues, “They’re both winners”. He says in such spirit that the entire room starts applauding and clapping. Niall pops up the champagne and showers both Zayn and Louis with it, all the while laughing and cheering. All three of them hug each other tightly which doesn’t fail to make me smile harder.

Someone puts the entire top of the bottle in Zayn’s mouth and champagne comes out of his nose as he struggles to drink, to which everyone laughs.

 

I look beside me at Liam but he’s talking to a guy I don’t know. Excusing myself, I make my way towards the table laid out with drinks and chips and nachos. Looking at the rows of beer bottles on the table, I shake my head and pick up a small bottle of chilled water from the corner.

 

As I pick a few nachos from the bowl, a very drenched-in-champagne Louis Tomlinson comes and stands next to me. His wet, swept aside fringe curls at the tips. His blue eyes are clear as the sky. He looks at me for a while and then plucks out the cigarette tucked behind his ear. He looks really hot as he lights it. To be honest, no one is supposed to look this hot while lighting a cigarette.

 

“What’s the celebration about?” I ask, trying not to let the moment become awkward.

 

He breathes out a huge puff, “We won!” I can see the happiness in his eyes.

 

“Won what?”

 

He frowns and looks at me. “Footie match!”

 

I shake my head in response. No idea about any footie match.

 

“Where’s your uni spirit dude?” he asks, and it seems like he’s quite offended by my negligence.

 

“Sorry! I don’t keep up with any extra Uni activities.”

 

Louis just stands there in front of me puffing out another cloud of smoke.

 

“This party was pre-planned! What if you guys lost the match?” I ask, genuinely curious about it.

 

A smirk crosses his face, exactly the same one he had the day I first saw him. “We still would have partied.” A small smile makes its way to my lips. This is a whole new level of zeal.

 

Zayn approaches Louis and whispers something in his ear. Louis giggles and fist bump him. I turn my head to look around. Liam is still talking to that guy and Niall is kissing the girl he had his arms around the other day.

 

“Hey Harry,” Zayn grabs my attention and I take his hand. “Thanks for coming.”

 

“Thanks for inviting us!” I say. “Did you meet Liam?”

 

Zayn nods his head, “Just did!” and gestures towards outside. I see Louis leaving the outhouse.

 

A few minutes later, Liam and I stand in the garden in between the outhouse and the swimming pool. Everyone’s dancing or playing games. The place doesn’t look anything less than festive. We feel so out of place, not knowing anyone and being the new ones feels pretty awkward. We plan to leave in five minutes, and are just discussing what our excuse should be when Niall jumps onto a lounger holding a megaphone.

 

“Alright lads, let’s get this party properly started!” Everyone starts cheering and hooting. The party hasn’t started yet? What has everyone been doing till now?

 

"Yeah yeah! Do you see the ping pong table there?" he shouts with enthusiasm.

 

All of us turn to look at the table set up near the swimming pool.

 

“We’re gonna to have a beer pong match on it!” he bellows again.

 

Everyone cheers at the top of their voices. Liam and I look at each other waiting to go home.  

 

“And the first ones to go will be our favorite team duo Louis and Zayn,” he says pointing at them. Louis and Zayn high five and shout their agreement.

 

“The opposing team will be…” Niall pauses. He seems to enjoy drama. “Liam and Harry!” he points to us.

 

Wait what?

 

"No!" both Liam and I say in unison, amidst a chorus of boos from the rest of the party.

 

“Come on guys! It’s the first time you both are at any of our parties. You have to play the game,” Niall insists.

 

When it feels like we have been booed enough and feel embarrassed out of measures, both Liam and I agree on playing the game. What other option did we even have? But just one game and then we’ll leave.

 

*

 

All four of us walk towards the table and take our positions. The table is dangerously close to the pool. Do they even care about general hazards or do they just not bother about it?

 

“Who’ll go first, Niall?” Louis shouts.

 

“Our guests, Lou!” he says matter-of-factly. “But before we start I’ll tell you the rules.”

 

He is still talking to us through the megaphone.

 

“All the players will be at least one step away from the table while aiming for the cup.”

 

A huge protest from everyone follows, with people clamoring, “That’s not the rule!”

 

“It is! My game, my rules,” Niall says stubbornly. "And…the losing team will be thrown into the swimming pool.”

 

“What? No way” I protest.

 

“Oi! Look our opponents are already chickening out,” Louis mocks me with a sly smirk on his face.

 

“I’m not chickening out,” I say.

 

“Then play!” he says and I decide to take the first shot. This will tell him. This bloody, self confident, overly smart person.

 

Ok so throwing the ball from a distance is tricky. I can’t take the chance of aiming for the cup in the front so to be on the safe side I decide to aim for the middle cups, hoping the ball will at least drop in one of them.

 

And it does. I’m so good at this.

 

Loud cheering for me and Liam follows with Louis twisting his face and Zayn throwing his head back. Zayn takes the shot and Louis picks up the ball.

 

He looks at me like he’s challenging me. Well, we’ll see Louis.

 

The game goes on, with Liam and I winning the first few rounds. But it seems as though the more Louis and Zayn drink, the better their aim gets.. They somehow manage to win four rounds back to back, until there’s just one more cup left on each side. This is the last chance; either we win, or we lose. And I do not want to loose this stupid game, especially not to Louis Tomlinson.

 

It’s Liam’s turn to throw the ball from our side. Boy! I have my fingers crossed. Just throw the ball in the cup Li.

 

“You can do this!” I say to motivate him. He nods gently and aims.

 

Phew! This is unnerving.

 

And he misses the shot. No shit!

 

Louis snorts from across the table and picks his ball while looking straight at me. I pray he misses the shot too so the game's ties, and we can get another round to try and win.

 

Oh god! Make him lose.

 

Louis rolls the ball between his palms, bends down and throws the ball. While aiming for the cup, his eyes shoot up to look at me. There’s something in them, a raw confidence. I narrow my eyes at him, hoping it will distract him. And shit, somehow the ball drops neatly into the cup. Dammit! How did it happen, he wasn’t even looking at the cup. He was looking at me.

 

The entire house erupts into loud cheering for Louis and Zayn. I look at Liam who just shrugs and picks up the cup of beer.

 

As I turn to look at the winning team, I see Louis looking back at me with a smirk on his face.

 

“And now... the punishment for the losing team,” Niall announces through his megaphone.

 

I don’t know who but someone runs at me and pushes me into the swimming pool. As I resurface, spluttering, from the water, everyone’s laughing and cheering good-naturedly. It takes me a second to get my head round the fact that it was just a stupid game. I can’t stop laughing looking at Liam’s expression when he too is thrown into the pool.

 

*

 

After that, we didn’t end up leaving the party as planned. In fact we stayed there, dancing and drinking for I don’t remember how long. It was quite late when we got home and right now, the morning after, my head is throbbing with hangover. And to add to the misery, our first lecture is at 8:30 this morning. Why are professors so brutal? Bloody hell!

 

Liam is worse than me. If I’m sitting in class with a cup of hot ginger tea to help the hangover, Liam is nursing his headache with a scarf tied wrapped around his head and burping every now and then.

 

“I feel like puking,” Liam says.

 

“It will help, I guess,” I say.

 

Louis, Zayn and Niall enter the classroom laughing loudly over something and all looking as fresh as a flower. How in the hell are they in proper human form? I’m half dying here with a terrible taste in my mouth from all the beer.

 

“Hey boys!” Niall says cheerily as they approach us.

 

“You both look so pale and half dead,” Zayn sympathises. I sigh looking at his perfectly-styled quiff. I couldn’t even bring myself to shampoo or run a comb through my hair. I simply shoved a beanie on to hide the mess that it is right now.

 

“How are you all even functioning?” Liam asks, wincing from his headache.

 

Louis puts down a cup of something warm on our table. “Drink this!”

 

“What is this?” I ask.

 

“This will cure your hangover,” Louis says.

 

“Who are you? Barney Stinson with a special hangover cure?” Liam asks.

 

“I’m actually Louis Tomlinson with a surefire way of getting rid of killer hangovers,” Louis says proudly. He fixes the sleeve of his peach-colored velour sweatshirt. He looks really good in it, with black skinny jeans rolled up to his ankles and some speckled shoes. He looks bright and soft. There’s not a trace of last night’s party, he’s back to his usual lively form.

 

I pick up the cup and take a sip of the drink. Holy moses! What in the fiery hell is this? It tastes so bad. I can’t.

 

“Drink it guys,” Zayn says.

 

“I’ll pass... Thanks!” I say.

 

Our professor enters the classroom and everyone takes their place. No one ever bothers to sit in their places till we are supervised.

 

The three of them settle in the place in front of us.

 

*

 

Over the next few weeks, we all become good friends. Louis, Zayn, and Niall sit in front of us in class. Zayn never takes any notes in class but spend the whole time doodling something on his notebook. I actually find out that he does weekly comics for the uni and puts them on the bulletin board and the student association website and social media, anonymously of course. I asked him once why he does them anonymously, and he just said he doesn’t want that kind of attention.

 

I also get to know that Niall has a longtime girlfriend, Sandy. Basically, they’ve been together since high school and she’s studying advertising. I’ve met her twice around campus. Recently she’s dyed her hair pink and looks every inch the anime cartoon. She’s cute.

 

Louis, on the other hand, remains mysterious. Sometimes I feel like I have figured him out and sometimes it seems like I don’t know him at all. He is always surrounded by boys and girls all the time, never alone. He nearly always has a camera in his hand, taking pictures. If he doesn’t have his camera then he takes pictures on his phone.

 

Zayn and Louis live together in an apartment in the city, and their place is mostly a party hub and an all kinds of shenanigans zone. I have never been to their place, but Liam has and told me that it was the least habitable place on earth. He also told me that the party we went to was in Zayn’s family home, and he threw a party there ‘cos no one was home that weekend.

 

I think about Louis a lot. We don’t talk too much after our classes. We do have each other’s numbers but I don’t want to text him or call him for no reason. I really don’t know what I would talk to him about. But I do feel like talking to him, in fact, I actually like talking to him. We’ve only had small discussions over silly things but I love how he sees the world. I love his interpretation of things, and it’s nice to look at the world through his eyes.

 

*

 

Our internals are next week and I hope to devote all my time to studying. I have my notes open for revision while I’m at work as well. As we’re getting closer to exams, I’m getting increasingly nervous. Our professors are not too helpful in what we should focus more on while preparing. They say we should know what we are learning, which I guess is fair.

 

Right now sitting in class I’m going through my notes of our last lecture since I have some doubts about it. Liam is discussing a dummy case that our professor gave us as an assignment. Zayn is sitting with his feet on the table, holding a pen in his mouth and drawing something in his notebook, while Louis is giggling and talking to the person in front of him. Boy! He talks a lot and his voice is quite loud. I don’t think he knows how to talk in a low voice.

 

As our professor enters the lecture hall, everyone falls silent. It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one who has doubts regarding the last lecture. Many other students seem to have too. We end up discussing a corporate case that took place a few years back. Two long time lovers started a business, and when it didn’t work out as planned, one of them ran away with all the money leaving the other one in serious trouble and facing jail time for not being able to pay the bank the money they had borrowed. It was news everywhere and it took the police two years to find the one who had run off with all the money. I have always wanted study this particular case in detail because the one who ran away made sure to frame their partner very cleverly.

 

“There are matters where we believe in our heart the most. Legal matters are the area in which you should not trust your heart. This is why we work hard and train hard to become lawyers and attorneys. To ensure that everyone receives justice.” Our professor says powerfully. He then tries to lighten the serious tone the lecture has taken by asking, “Who’s in a relationship here? Do any of you have boyfriends or girlfriends, or are married?”

 

“Who has time for any of it,” I mutter, shaking my head.

 

At that exact moment, Louis turns back to look at me and I realize he has his hand raised. Umm.. What? Louis is in a relationship? I’ve never seen him with anyone that seemed like his partner. To be honest, I don’t know much about his life either. What he does outside uni, I have no clue. I’ve looked into his social media accounts, and he’s a party loving person. Every few two days or so, he posts or gets tagged in a party pic in some club or pub.

 

I have a weird feeling in my chest now, and it seems like it might be because of Louis. I take a deep breath to clear my head and get back to going through my notes again and don’t hear another word said by our professor for the rest of the lecture.

 

*

 

Phew! The liberating feeling after finishing your exams is unbeatable. It’s been a mad couple of weeks and I have totally forgotten what sleep is. I need it, I want it. If Niall hadn’t asked me to join the after exam party in the pub, I certainly would have been sleeping soundly at home. Thankfully I’m not alone and Liam is with me. Liam sometimes hangs out with Zayn after our classes, and he’s more friendly with him.

 

Interestingly, Zayn sent him a huge box of raw pressed or cold pressed juices which would help him stay healthy during exam time. I asked Liam why Zayn had sent them, and Liam just blushed. I couldn’t ask him anything further at that time but now that I have some free time I’m going to roast him hard for this.

 

Right now we are both walking towards the pub. It’s a nice evening, with a gentle breeze. I like days like these.

 

As we enter, it takes us a few minutes to find the group. Zayn is all smiles at the sight of Liam, and Niall is on the dance floor with Sandy. Louis is leaning against the wall with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other, laughing at something with a guy I don’t know. He looks good in his black skinnies which are rolled up above his ankles and an oversized white hoodie. He looks soft, like someone who could be cuddled. Damn! Why am I thinking about cuddles? Louis always gives me confusing thoughts. Shit! He turns to look at me. I must have been staring hard.

 

“Join us, Harry!” Louis says. He only calls a few people by their first names, and I feel special when he does it to me. He rarely calls me over though.

 

I slowly walk towards him and the guy next to him wanders off. He politely offers me his beer and I take it from him.

 

“Thanks!” Yikes, beer tastes bad. I hate it. But he offered it to me and it was only polite to accept it.

 

A few minutes later, Sandy and Niall join us with a girl I have never seen before.

 

“Harry! This is Tia” Sandy introduces us. Tia is beautiful with lovely hazel eyes. Her blonde locks fall over her shoulders. “She’s our friend from high school and we’re still pretty close.” Sandy turns to hug Tia. I smile looking at them.

 

Niall asks, “Drinks anyone?”

 

I nod in agreement and we make our way towards the bar. The pub is jam packed and it takes us a while to get there. “Any plans for the long weekend, Harry?” Niall asks after we order a round of shots.

 

“Going to Cheshire wanna see my mum and nan,” I say. I haven’t been able to go and see them since I started uni. My nan’s doing much better now but I still should pay her a visit.

 

“Oh, nice!” Niall nods.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

"Lads have planned a camping trip!" Niall says excitedly. Oh yes, I remember Liam telling me about it. He even asked me to join but I refused and then forgot all about it.

 

After returning to our spot with the drinks, I see something that makes my heart flip. Tia is sitting in Louis Tomlinson’s lap with her arms around him. So it seems she’s his girlfriend. I can’t stand here anymore, not because I’m hurt, but because I’m uncomfortable. I don’t know why but I don’t like this feeling I have right now. Of course, she’s his girlfriend. She looks like his type even though I don’t know what his type is, but I guess it would be pretty and classy. She seems to come from a rich family like Louis and Zayn. Obviously, Louis would want to go out with someone socially equal to him.

 

I should probably go home. I don’t want to see this right now. I text Liam a stupid excuse that I’m not feeling well suddenly and leave the pub without saying anything to anyone further.

 

*

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

**_Present day, 2 days before the wedding…_ **

 

Ah! This place is so good. Why haven’t I come here before?! It’s a lovely evening. There’s  gentle warm breeze blowing and a clear sky studded with millions of stars Just the right weather for a wedding. I arrived two hours ago and I’m already in love with this place. I’m so glad Liam and Zayn picked a beach side resort. There’s full access to the beach at all times, and the waves aren't too high or dangerous here, so I finally have some peace here.

 

We were little skeptical when wedding planner gave the idea of having a Karaoke night on the beach side, but looking at the setting in front I’m in awe. The tables are decorated with flowers and a bucket filled with ice and few bottles of wine are kept in the middle. A huge bar is a setup at the corner and there’s open grill serving some amazing seafood and meat. The beach air is soothing with a subtle aroma of food wafting in the air.

 

Right now, the grooms are busy meeting and attending to all their guests. Liam has been freaking out all week, like freaking out level 100 and it’s a lot of work to calm down freaky Liam.

 

“Harry!” Niall calls me from his table. I walk towards him and Sandy. I always feel so happy to see them together. They’ve been together for like ten or eleven years now. I asked Sandy a few weeks ago how long they’d been together and she laughed and said, “Forever!”

 

“I have the lyrics to the songs for karaoke!” Sandy waves her iPad in the air.

 

I pull out a chair next to Niall and ask Sandy, “You should do it too.”

 

“My voice Harry... I’m not scaring guests like that. Zayn will throw me out,” she laughs. Her throat has been sore for a couple of days now. It’s recovering but her voice is still cracking.

 

“Which one do you want to perform Haz?” Niall asks scrolling through her iPad.

 

“Still the One’ by Shania Twain,” I say. It’s my favorite song and this is going to be drunk Karaoke so it will be fun.

 

“I wanna do Lucky by Jason Marz and Colbie Caillat,” Niall says.

 

“We’ll do both,” I say. Compromise and all that you see.

 

“Harry!” someone calls out. All three of us turn at the sound. One of Zayn’s uncle walks towards us.

 

“Congratulations on the big win! That was such a difficult case,” he says as he takes my hand.

 

“Thank you so much: I say. It was indeed a hard case to win. At one point I had thought we would lose and the possibility had been devastating. Thankfully though, I had turned it around at the end.

 

“Talented man like you should be working in politics and not for a private firm,” Zayn’s uncle says, his words carefully measured. It’s not the first time he has not so subtly asked me to work for his party. His party is not currently in power, but it’s a pretty strong force in the UK. The MPs make sure the voices of common people are heard in the parliament which is incredible. I have so much respect for Zayn and his family and everything they do. But I just don’t wanna be a political operative, I wanna have more freedom in my work.

 

I chuckle, “I’m happy working for a private firm right now.” After we graduated Zayn joined his father as a legal advisor. He isn’t too interested in politics so he stays away from the brainstorming and all. He just works for them. Niall joined Louis’ dad and is now something high up in the company. Well, he had always had the first-hand experience since he grew up in a legal household. Liam and I work for a private firm which is basically a competitor to Niall’s firm. But it’s all work, nothing personal.

 

Zayn’s uncle and I talk for another minute or so before I ask him if he’d like another drink and he agrees.

 

“Do you guys want a drink?” I ask both Sandy and Niall as well.

 

“I’m fine Haz! Thanks,” Sandy raises her glass of red wine and Niall takes another gulp of his beer shaking his head.

 

“Zaynnn!!!!!!” a loud voice calls out from the distance. It seems like a voice that I know, that I remember. Can it be..? Nooo.. it surely can’t!

 

I, along with everyone else, turn to look at where the sound is coming from. And what I see freezes me on the spot.

 

Louis Tomlinson is standing in the entranceway, a smile on his face, catching his breath. His rucksack falls to the ground as he looks around for Zayn.

 

“Oh my god!” I hear Sandy saying. At the same time, Zayn runs towards Louis and grips him in a giant bear hug while shouting his name.

 

“He came!” Zayn’s uncle says in happy surprise. Louis and Zayn had known each other for a long time and Louis’ dad firm handles all legal matters relating to the Maliks. No wonder Zayn’s uncle is happy to see Louis. He walks towards Louis and Zayn and joins the throng of people already around the two men, all of them so happy to see Louis. I didn’t even notice Niall and Sandy going to greet him.

 

There’s a stinging feeling in my chest looking at his face. I haven’t seen him in five years. Five years! There were times when I wished for him to come back, to call me, to talk to me, hell I just wanted to see his perfect face again. But he didn’t come. And just when I least expect to see him, he appears with all his charm and beauty.

 

But he walked out on me. And he never came back.

 

I turn away and walk towards the bar. I need a lot of alcohol to deal with the fact that he’s here. Why Louis? Why did you come?

 

Even after three shots, I haven’t calmed down. I can hear his voice everywhere. It’s the same voice. Same loud passionate voice. All the words he said to me, all the sweet nothings, all the things he told me in the middle of the night, his voice barely a whisper but still giving me hope, I can hear it all loud and clear in my head.

 

All the lies he told me… “I love you, Harry!” Everything he said to me were lies. They felt so real like he meant every word, but in reality, he never did. I don’t know how long I stand at the bar holding a drink in my hand, lost in my own thoughts. Until I hear the same voice calling my name.

 

“Harry!”

 

No, I’m not ready to talk to him. I’m still hurt Louis. Go away. Please don’t do this.

 

Summoning all my strength I turn to look at him. He’s standing right next to me, wearing a peach colored jumper. And oh god, he looks breathtaking. He wears glasses now! I used to love seeing him in glasses but he didn’t wear them too often back then, he chose to wear lenses. His hair is still messy, his slight scruff contrasting with his tan face. His eyes, bluer than ever, clear as a summer sky, still sparkle the same. His pink lips are parted just slightly, as he smiles at me. I can’t help but think about how good his lips used to feel on mine. But here I’m thinking about all the time I spent with him when he probably doesn’t care at all.

 

“How are you doing?” he asks, seemingly delighted to see me.

 

You left Louis, you left me without even saying goodbye and you never came back. How do you think I am? The look on his face right now would have had past me fooled. But not present me. I won’t fall for his charms, not again.

 

“Fine!” I say, not wanting to continue this conversation.

 

“Long time, no see!" he says.

 

Shut up, Louis.

 

We just stand there looking at each other, me still bitter and mentally hating him. But a little part of me wants to hug him so hard and feel what I felt with him all those years ago.

 

“Harreehhh!” a voice from the mega phone calls me. I look to the stage and see Niall calling me for our Karaoke. I swear to God, I’ll throw away that megaphone one day. Why can’t he use mics like normal people? How difficult is to find mics?

 

“Lou! You’re next. Think about your song,” Niall says and Louis chuckles next to me.

 

Niall and Louis have always been close, growing up together, living in the same house. They still are, I guess. Niall used to give me updates about Louis’ life until I said I didn’t want to know how or what he was doing. Since then Niall has stopped talking about him whenever I’m around.

 

I throw back my drink and without glancing in Louis’ direction, I make my way towards the stage. This is going to be a long evening, and I plan to do everything in my power to not look at him or be anywhere near him.

 

*

 

It was difficult, it was so difficult to avoid him, to not look at him. I used to love it when his attention was on me before, when he made sure to let everyone know subtly that I was his. Tonight, I’ve caught him looking at me a few times, like he used to in the past.

 

I’ve missed him so much! Not a single day has gone by when he didn’t cross my mind, when I haven’t wished he was with me. Sometimes when I couldn’t fall asleep at night, I used to think about being in his arms and would fall asleep instantly. I have needed him so badly.

 

Louis!

 

Right now I wish he was with me. I wish I could talk to him, like nothing had ever happened. When I saw him a few hours ago, it felt like all those years without him didn’t exist, that he had always been here. Like he never left, like a day hasn’t gone by without him.

 

A tear makes its way to my eye and rolls down my cheek. I’ve missed you so much Louis!

 

*

  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

 

**_Six years back…_ **

 

Monday is the worst day of the week. Everyone hates it. How does Monday feel about itself, I wonder? Anyways, my trip back home was good. Nan is doing even better now and she was so happy to see me. Our results are out as well, and I got top grades. The educational trust is going to continue to fund my tuition, which is a huge relief. I don’t even wanna think what could have happened if I failed to get good grades.

 

Mondays also demand a hell of a lot of work in the library as students either want to get some books or return them after having used them during weekends. I have an entire cart of books right now to put back on the shelves.

 

"Hey!" someone calls me. I turn around to look. Louis Tomlinson is standing in front of me, his backpack falling off one shoulder and a book in his hand which is a rare sight. In class, he even asks us if he can borrow a pen so he can write down the notes. Zayn always has a few extra but never gives him any, saying he should have brought his own, and it makes me laugh every time. I’ve leant him two pens and I never saw either of them again. I’m not holding a grudge against him over two pens; it’s just really funny.

 

“Hi!” I say and pick another book to put on the shelf.

 

“I knew I would find you here,” Louis says happily.

 

“Yeah! Cos I work here after college hours,” I say. No, Louis finding me here is not a victory.

 

“Yes, I know that. Anyway, how was your weekend?” he asks.

 

“It was nice. And it seems like you guys had fun on your camping trip. I saw pictures” I say. Every single one of them uploaded pictures from the trip on social media, and Tia seemed to be in most of the pictures. I didn’t bother looking through every album but just scrolled past them. There were a few pictures of Tia and Louis standing next to each other and laughing over something that came up on my dash.

 

“It was amazing! Next time you are coming with us,” he says with surety in his voice.

 

“I’m not making any promises,” I say picking up another book. “Are you looking for any particular book here?” I ask him, curious as to why he is here.

 

“No, I wanted to ask you if you can tutor me,” he says, with more sincerity than I have ever seen on his face.

 

“Me! Tutor you?” I’m surprised. I mean, it’s not like he needs any tutoring. Even though he’s a menace in class and I ever hardly see him studying, he always has the right answer to the questions our professors ask. He’s one of those students who never study but always excels in exams. How? I wanna know.

 

“Yes! Liam told me you had exceptional grades and I think I could use some help in a couple of subjects,” he says.

 

“I’m sorry Louis, I really don’t have any spare time to tutor anyone. But I can help you find someone else. There’s a database that has information about the students willing to tutor,” I inform him.

 

“No, I want you to help me with those subjects,” he says stubbornly.

 

“Why?” I ask. I’m actually very surprised. His insistence on having me as his tutor is almost more surprising than him wanting to be tutored in the first place.

 

“Umm.. ‘cos you are really good in those subjects. Also, I won’t be comfortable with people I’m not friendly with,” he replies.

 

I let out a sigh. He won’t hear anything else right now. “Fine! But only on weekends.”

 

“Yay!” he shouts, a little too loudly. “Weekends it is then.”

 

“Hey shh! Keep your voice down. It’s not your home,” I warn him.

 

“Whatever, see you soon!” With that, he leaves and leaves a smile on my face as he does so.

 

I’m going to tutor and see him every weekend and it will be just us. But oh wait... he still has a girlfriend.

 

*

 

Yesterday evening was the fourth tutoring session in three weeks that he’s missed. If he doesn’t want to continue, he can at least bother to inform me. I was waiting for him at my place. I gave up the opportunity to do overtime at work which would have helped me with extra money. He really doesn’t care about anyone or anything. I’m so disappointed in him right now.

 

As I walk towards the classroom I can see Louis out of the corner of my eye, and I know he’s looking at me. But I just walk into class without bothering to acknowledge him. I go and sit in another seat, abandoning my usual place. I’m not in the mood to even see Louis. I’m going through my notes when I hear his voice asking someone next to me to vacate the place for him. Some nerve he has. I do not look up at him.

 

Funnily enough, the person next to me refuses to leave his seat because he has his study group behind us. Ha! How does that feel Louis? Muttering something under his breath, he sits in front of me instead.

 

“Dude! What are you doing there?” Zayn calls Louis. “Come back.”

 

“I’m fine here. Need some fresh air,” Louis claims.

 

“Then why are you sitting at the farthest end from the window?” Zayn questions him and I press my lips together tightly trying not to laugh.

 

“Stop being my mother, Z!” Louis says, irritated now.

 

“Fuck you!” Zayn calls out and I can hear Niall’s laugh. I love the way both Zayn and Niall drag his ass sometimes.

 

"Does anyone here have an extra pen or pencil?" Louis asks everyone politely.

 

Honestly, why can’t he bring his own?

 

“Harry! Do you have an extra?” he asks me. I still haven’t looked at him. I quietly shake my head while continuing to go through my notes.

 

Louis sighs. “Why doesn’t anybody have a spare pen? How am I gonna take notes now?”

 

“You should’ve brought your own,” someone says to him.

 

I’m enjoying this, to be honest. There aren’t many times that people get brave enough to drag him.

 

“Really! Are you going to teach me now?” Louis warns.

 

“I was just saying,” that person says.

 

“Your tone wasn’t just saying,” Louis says.

 

“If you really want to take notes, then you should’ve brought your own stuff,” the other guy says.

 

“You could‘ve been a little more thoughtful and kept an extra, for someone in need,” Louis counters.

 

Nothing is more fascinating than watching two lawyers-in-training argue over a non-existent pen.

 

“Alright class,” our professor enters and their discussion gets interrupted. I’m little disappointed about it.

 

*

 

“Harry, Darling! Can you take care of the bakery for a couple of hours? I’ve to go and meet my aunt in the hospital” Mrs Hermes says. I work at her bakery. She’s a lovely lady in her fifties, and very polite.

 

“No worries, Mrs. Hermes. I’ve got this. You can take your time,” I say.

 

“I’ll be back before your shift ends,” she promises as she leaves.

 

It’s a regular Saturday mid-afternoon. Compared to other days, the rush on weekends is less mostly because students generally take the opportunity to go and discover other cafes in the city. It’s packed on the weekdays. So my weekend job at the bakery isn’t too difficult. It’s quiet and easy.

 

There’s the soft sound of the door opening and closing as I count the cash in the cash register. Someone comes and stands silently at the counter. I look up and do a double take seeing Louis Tomlinson standing in front of me. I shake my head and continue counting the cash.

 

This has been going on for the whole week, me avoiding Louis and him trying to get my attention. But honestly, if he thinks he can keep missing his tutoring sessions and wasting my time like this, he’s sorely mistaken. One day when we were having lunch, Louis came over and said, “What a pretty day to study!” I had immediately left, not being able to stand such a blatant lie.

 

After I’ve counted the cash at least three times, which I did only to piss Louis off, I look at him.

 

"Yeah! That was 120 pounds there," he says.

 

What is his problem? I narrow my eyes at him.

 

"Talk to me!" Louis demands like a child.

 

I still look at him without saying a word.

 

“Look I’m sorry that I missed my sessions and I can make it up to you,” Louis says, sounding guilty. “Don’t be mad.”

 

“I don’t care if you miss your sessions. What I care about is you letting me know,” I say. “And it isn’t like you had something important to attend to, you went to a party. You wasted my time because you had a party to attend.”

 

“That was a last minute decision. I didn’t want to go but Niall dragged me,” he says.

 

“Why are all your parties last minute decisions?” I ask. This is his permanent excuse. “Also, stop lying. There was a picture that said you helped plan it a week back.”

 

“This is why I hate social media,” he sighs.

 

“For the record, how many lies do you tell per minute?” I ask. Why does he lie so much?

 

“Very funny. I’m not lying. Just because I helped to plan a party doesn’t mean I was going to attend.”

 

Well, that actually makes sense.

 

“Harry!” he says.

 

“No, Louis! If you don’t want to continue or if you’re not serious, please don’t waste my time. I could’ve worked overtime on the days you kept me waiting.”

 

Louis stands there in front of me, guilt written on his face. “You don’t have to work overtime, Harry. My dad’s firm sponsors students every year. You have good grades, I can put in a good word for you.”

 

“Thanks but no,” I say, baffled at the direction the conversation has taken.

 

I turn around and start to arrange the shelves, even though they’re already in perfect order.

 

“I won’t miss any more sessions,” he says. “We can start right now.”

 

“I’m at work right now,” I say.

 

“Fine, I’ll wait here for you till you’re done. Then we can study,” he says.

 

“I won’t be done for another two hours. Doesn’t your footie practice start in two hours? I saw a flyer on the bulletin board about the upcoming match,” I say.

 

“Oh yeah! I have practice,” he bites his lip, scrunching his face like he is thinking of something. “Well, there’s no one here right now, I can pull a chair here at the counter and we can utilize the time-”

 

“Louis! You don’t need any tutoring. You’re good. Go now!” I say.

 

“No no no! I need help,” he says quickly.

 

I frown at his tone and he bats his eyelashes at me. Jesus, who even is he?

 

“Fine! 7 o'clock this evening,” I give up. I can’t win with him.

 

He smiles so brightly you’d think he won some medal of honor.

 

“Great! Now make me some coffee,” he says and pulls up the nearest chair.

 

I look at him, gobsmacked by his nerve.

 

He continues, “Expresso with cream topped with caramel.” He is still smiling so widely that I can’t do anything else but look at him.

 

Who the hell is he?

  
  
*  


 

“So in this case, the debtor can take the help of law under the-,” I pause in explaining the dummy case to Louis. His phone has been vibrating incessantly for a while now. I look at the screen and it’s his girlfriend calling him again for like the millionth time in 10 minutes. I let out a huge sigh.

 

“Take the call,” I tell Louis, who is highlighting a sentence in his book. He looks up and gives me a look like I interrupted his concentration. In fact, he is pretty serious when it comes to his studies. He has a good memory and I still think that really he doesn’t need any tutoring sessions.

 

“Leave it!” he shakes his head and continues reading.

 

“It’s your girlfriend.” I wonder why he doesn’t want to pick up her calls. Some fight? An argument?

 

“What?” he looks at me again with an irritated expression. “She isn’t my girlfriend. Who told you that?”

 

Wait.. what?

 

“Umm... I thought that you were dating since you’re both so pretty comfortable with each other.”

 

“We’ve known each other for around 10 years now. Of course, we’re comfortable with each other,” he says.

 

“You raised your hand when our professor asked who was in a relationship, so I thought…”

 

“Yeah I raised my hand cos you said ‘who has time for a relationship’,” he says in a heavy voice like he is mocking me. I hate him.

 

“She was once sitting on your lap,” I blurt out and immediately regret saying it. Shit! I should have kept my mouth shut.

 

Louis just shrugs. Dude, how many times has she sat on your lap that you don’t mind it at all? Why was she sitting on your lap anyways? Wait… why am I getting mad over it? I’m being so possessive.

 

He looks at me and raises his eyebrows in a playful manner. Whatever was going inside my head over Tia just washes away in that moment. He smiles slightly and looks directly into my eyes. He is such a beautiful person. From head to toe, he is all soft. It probably feels good to cuddle him.

 

“Shall we get back to the case?” he says smirking. A smile makes its way to my lips and I’m sure he can see me blushing.

 

A few minutes later, my alarm beeps, notifying us that the session is over. I finish writing the line and quickly start packing my stuff.

 

“What? Why are you in a hurry?” he asks.

 

“I have another shift to do today,” I say.

 

“Harry,” he says carefully. His tone makes me shift all my attention to him.

 

“Why do you work two jobs? I can pay you for tutoring, then you won’t have to work your arse off and you can put all your energies into studying.” I just shake my head, tell him goodbye and leave.

 

*

 

My gaze locks with Louis’ as I come out of the lecture hall. He is standing at the other side of the corridor with his hand on Zayn's and Niall’s shoulders. Always a king.

 

“Harry!” Liam calls me to get my attention. He is standing with some other friends already discussing something. I walk towards him but cannot put all my attention on their conversation. I keep stealing glances at Louis and it does something to my heart when I find him looking back at me.

 

“We’re going to the Coldplay concert tonight,” Liam says to me.

 

“Umm.. what? I don’t think I can go,” I say.

 

“Yeah yeah! Tell that to Louis, he has already taken responsibility for bringing you to the concert,” he says smiling. I’m shocked to hear that. Why would Louis take such a responsibility? Why does he care if I attend a concert or not?

 

Liam pats my shoulder and walks away. I steal one last glance at Louis and he is still looking over at me, and I walk towards the library.

 

“Harold!” I smell the cigarette smoke before I hear Louis behind me. There’s another one tucked behind his ear.

 

“Louis!” I say and take out a book from the shelf.

 

“We’re going to a concert tonight. It starts at 7,” he informs me.

 

“Are you asking me or just letting me know?”

 

"Whatever you feel comfortable with," he says brazenly.

 

Honestly, there are times when I don’t know what to say to him. He is unabashedly cheeky. The kind of personality I don’t have. And I love that about him. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him, he knows he will win them over eventually anyways. How can anyone refuse him when he stands there with his messy fringe, blue eyes, lips slightly parted and slight scruff? He has a lot of tattoos too. It sometimes amazes me, how hard he tries to give out a bad boy vibe but ends up giving out an adorable rockstar one with a good heart but a sassy personality.

 

He raises his eyes to me, waiting for an answer.

 

“I don’t think I can make it,” I say. There’s a hell of a lot of work for me to do tonight and the person who usually helps me is on holiday.

 

“Why?”

 

I point to the cart of books next to me. “I have to arrange them back on the shelves,” I say. I pick up the list sitting on the top of the cart. “And have to pick out these books. It will take all evening.”

 

“Noooooo you can’t miss the concert. It will be mind blowing,” he cries. “You can do these tomorrow.”

 

“Shhhhh! Keep your voice down,” I say. “And no I have to finish this today. I can’t keep them pending.”

 

He lets out a sigh and goes back to his thinking mode. It’s endearing to see the way his brows join when he is thinking hard.

 

“I can help you with your work here. The show doesn’t start for another three hours. We can finish it quickly,” he says hopefully.

 

“No Louis, please don’t. You’ll only increase my workload. Don't try to help me for the love of God!” I say desperately.

 

“Listen, you underestimate me a lot.” He has totally taken this as a challenge. Oh, God! He picks up a book from the cart. “See this book is about the administrative law so this goes in the administrative law section,” he looks around and mutters, “If there's one.”

 

“Do you know where it is?” I’m so amused. I cross my hands over my chest and lean on the shelf waiting for him to say something.

 

Our library has three floors with around a million books and thousands of shelves and I’m not even exaggerating. Every year the library gets thousands of books donated and buys a few thousand more. Our university has been around for more than a century and honestly, the collection of books here is staggering.

 

“This library is fucking huge,” he wails loudly. “Who builds libraries this big?” I can sense irritation in his voice.

 

A senior library assistant walks up to us, “Keep your voice down!” He warns. I straighten up and am about to say sorry when Louis turns to look at him and narrows his eyes.

 

“Mr. Tomlinson!” his eyes widen and a surprised expression crosses his face. “So nice to see you here!”

 

“You were saying something,” Louis says.

 

He smiles and says, “Just asking you to talk quietly because as you can see there are people here who are studying.”

 

Louis frowns at him and hisses through his teeth, “Fine!”

 

Louis turns his attention to me when the assistant leaves.

 

“Where were we?” he asks. “Yeah! You were coming with me to the concert.”

 

I squint my eyes at him.

 

“Ugh! I’m helping you finish this quickly,” he rolls his eyes at me and gets to work.

  


It’s after 7:30 when we are able to finish arranging the books and picking out the ones mentioned in the list. We’re officially late for the concert and there’s  no way we could make it on time. I feel really bad that Louis is missing his concert because of me. I asked him a hundred of times to leave all this and go but he didn’t. He was hell-bent on taking me with him.

 

But Louis is also hell-bent on catching the concert so after we finished, we run towards the parking lot and he drives like a maniac. After 45 mins we arrive at the parking lot of the arena.

 

“Phew! Finally here,” he says like he’s achieved some kind of victory. Throughout the way I was nervously chewing my nails, worrying we wouldn’t make it before the concert ends.

 

“Alright!” he says before taking off his shirt.

 

“Dude! What are you doing?” I’m flabbergasted. Also, I can’t help but look at his skinny body, with his cute tummy and the tattoos which grace his skin.

 

“What? Do you think I’m going inside wearing that? You’re kidding me!” He turns to the back seat and picks up a Stone Roses sleeveless shirt. It’s then that I notice a leather jacket, a couple of pairs of jeans and a few pairs of shoes as well. He’s got a whole wardrobe in the back seat.

 

After he has roughly slipped into his tee he hoists his bum up and pops open the button of his jeans.

 

“Your jeans are fine!” I say.

 

“Nope!” he shakes his head and slips them down.

 

Really Louis? What the fuck? His red underpants slide down slightly along with his tight jeans giving me a good view of his hips. He has got really thick thighs, well toned, just like his abs. His whole body looks good really. I look away because he is giving me unholy thoughts again.

 

I had been afraid security wouldn’t let us in since we were so late, but Louis whispers something in the security guard’s ear and he lets us in. This man has never heard a single no from anyone in his life, has he?. The arena is high on energy as we enter. It would be impossible for us to find anyone in this mad crowd so we don’t even try. We find the best spot from where the stage is clearly visible. For the next two hours, we enjoy the show, singing along to the lyrics, feeling the music. There’s something about concerts and gigs. Every lyric, every beat hits you in places. It’s like you find how the song relates to your life.

 

The band is saying thank you to everyone and giving their goodbye speech when I look at Louis. The light catches in his eyes and makes them shine. A huge smile graces his lovely face. He loves Coldplay. He remembered all their lyrics and sang them all. He got so ecstatic when they covered another of his favorite artist’s songs. It was all lovely to see it, to feel it with him. I’m not a huge fan of concerts and all that, but Louis made this one special.

 

He turns his head to look at me. I don’t know how long we look at each other, unaffected by the roaring of the crowd or the madness going on around us. In that moment it felt like it was just us and no one else. Us in our own bubble. I don’t know who started it but I found my lips brushing against Louis’. And the next minute we were kissing each other, deep, with tongue involved.

 

*

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**_Present Day, 1 day before the wedding..._ **

 

I flop on the couch next to Zayn and perch my feet up on the table. There’s nothing on the table apart from too many cups of coffee and a vase with flowers. The view in front of us is quite mesmerizing. A few guests are already in the pool, enjoying the sunny day. The slightly warm weather is very welcoming. I hope I get enough sun before leaving this place.

 

“You look tired,” I say to Zayn. To be honest, he looks like a mess. I was just being polite.

 

“I was talking to Louis all night and right now I feel like I could use a 100-hour sleep,” Zayn winces bumping his fist over his forehead. “Too many beers last night. It was such a bad idea.”

 

“It’s nice he came!” I remark. For one thing, I’m glad... At least Louis showed up at his best friend’s wedding.

 

“I cannot believe I have a friend who’s ready to give me a heart attack two days before my wedding by showing up last minute,” Zayn says picking up his coffee.

 

I smile looking at the relief on his face. I think it would be a similar experience for me if I didn’t see Liam for a few years and he randomly decided to surprise me.

 

Zayn turns his head towards me and says, “Talk to Lou!”

 

I turn my head at the infinity beyond me. ‘There’s nothing for me to say to him’.

 

“But he has things to say to you,” he says quietly.

 

I shake my head and get up from the couch. As I make my way towards the breakfast counter, Mike comes out of the pool, dripping wet from head to toe. He looks good. Not to brag, as we flirt with each other sometimes, but Mike is tall, well built and has a hairy chest. Every man’s dream.

 

“When did you arrive Mikey?” I ask him.

 

Shaking the water from his hair and putting his sunglasses on he says, “A couple of hours ago. Where were you?”

 

“Went for a run on the beach and came back late,” I say. “Had breakfast?”

 

“Nope! Let’s go,” he says smiling.

 

After a hearty breakfast and eating my weight in eggs and veggie sausage muffins, I walk to get myself another cup of tea. There’s no such thing as too much tea. And as a proper British lad, I can attest to that.

 

“Morning, Harry!” a voice reaches me from behind as I consider which flavor of tea bag to pick from the assorted basket. And it is the voice that I love. A voice that is my manna. A voice that is my cure. From a person who is my bane. Louis!

 

I close my eyes trying to gather enough energy to face him. Then, I turn around to look at him. The ground beneath me seems to shake as I look at his face. The same soft gaze directed at me, the same soft smile that makes me weak in my knees. Those blue eyes, shining and standing out. Pink lips just parted enough, and long eyelashes that are still his most beautiful feature.

 

“Hi!” I manage to say. I grab the first tea bag I see and then leave for my room.

 

*

 

Wow! The reception hall looks amazing. All the tables and chairs are laid down, and white drapes hang from the ceiling. The room has a wooden interior with beams running horizontally across the ceiling and yellow light bulbs hang from them. There is a small stage for the live music and at the corner, a small wooden bar. On every corner of the room, they have set up small booths where I can put up all the pictures. There are a few blackboards as well where I’ll be writing all the promises the couple have made to each other.

 

I’m so honored that Zayn and Liam asked me to do something like this to make their wedding special. Sandy and I have already sat down and made illustrated comics (their cartoon drawings) of their relationship timeline, from the day it started to their wedding day. We knew the decorations and how the aisle would look, which helped making the comics for this day. We’ve added a few quotes and all the lovey-dovey stuff they have said to each other. It was so much fun to make the comics. I felt closer to them and it helped me understand how their relationship worked. They’ve had their ups and downs but they’ve made it. All of us dug down deep into our picture archives and folders to find every last picture we had of the lovely couple. Choosing just a few of them was a difficult task because it felt like every picture told a different story. I wish I could put up all of them. We made polaroids of the pictures in black and white to match the aesthetic of the room.

 

Sandy was a sweetheart this morning and asked if I needed any help but I told her I would be able to do it myself. She works super hard at her job and I hope she is having a much-needed break. Both Niall and Sandy have been helping the grooms tirelessly with all the arrangements.

 

Picking up my two boxes of pictures and comics, I walk towards the booth next to the stage. There’s a box lying next to it stuffed with decorative items. I think the team that’s been making arrangements for the wedding left it here before taking a break. There’s a steel frame in every booth for me to hang the pictures.

 

I am working on the second booth when I hear that voice again.

 

“So this is the reception hall? Wow.. it looks good,” Louis says.

 

“What are you doing here?” I don’t even bother to turn around and continue hanging the pictures.

 

“Niall told me you’d be here so I thought I could help you,” he says.

 

“I don’t need any help. I’m fine,” I say. I hope he just leaves so I can finish it all quickly.

 

He doesn’t answer but from the corner of my eye, I see him looking at the first booth. A smile on his face, hands crossed over his chest, his green t shirt too big on him. He still likes wearing oversized clothes. I pick up another picture and clip from the box.

 

“Congratulations on your recent win! I read about it,” Louis says and comes to stand next to me.

 

Where did he read it? It was only news in the local London papers, nothing too major. Most people don’t care, though it was a big deal in the legal world. Also, does he really not get the message that I’m trying to stay away from him?

 

“You were always the brightest amongst us,” he continues. I can sense the happiness in his voice. It’s quite warming.

 

“Thanks,” I look at the comics and think if there’s another way of clipping it.

 

“Nice comics here,” he reaches for the one already clipped. “You made them? They’re so cute.” My eyes follow the path of his hand. He’s got a few new tattoos. There’s a suit of cards on his wrist. It looks good and almost matches the back of a card deck I have on my bicep. He has put on his glasses now which he rarely wore back then.

 

He moves onto another picture on the wire. “I love this picture! I have this one too,” he says.

 

I can’t say anything. I just stand there, dumbfounded, heart racing at 1,000 miles per hour. Why are you here Louis? You mess with my head a lot, don’t you know this? He turns his head to look at me. Wow! He looks breathtaking. I take it his soft hair, the dip of his collarbones, the deep v-neck t-shirt which shows off his tattooed chest. I’m itching to touch his skin again. His fingers delicately fix the stray fringe falling on his cheek. It still curls at the tips. His hair is longer though.

 

I blink once to keep all these thoughts aside and get back to work.

 

“I’m a travel photographer now, you know,” he says.

 

“Nice. You always loved photography,” I clip a comic on the wire.

 

There’s an awkward silence between us. I continue to work and I think Louis is just standing there trying to say something.

 

“I have some pictures of Zayn and Liam. Would you like them?” he asks politely.

 

“No, I think it’s all good here, and I’m not sure if I will have spare space for more pictures.” I’m just making an excuse. There’s enough space.

 

He takes a breath and says, “Harry, I really wanna help. I haven’t been around and it’ll make me happy if I can do something.” He says it seriously.

 

Ok, but whose fault was it that you weren’t around? I exhale and turn to look at him. Jeez, will there be a time when I can look at him and not want to push him into the wall and kiss the living daylights out of him?

 

“Please!” he says desperately. I’m confused right now. I want him to help because it’s his best friend’s wedding and I also don’t want him to help because I don’t want him around. Why do I have to make all the hard decisions? Where’s the balance of nature?

 

I decide to let him help a bit, only because I don’t want him to miss out on being involved in his best friend's wedding.

 

“Fine!” I say, clearly showing my reluctance. He should know I’m not very willing.

 

“Yes! Thanks…” he claps his hands. “Where should I start?”

 

“From wherever you want. There’s a  marking on the back of every picture and comic to show you where it should go,” I say, showing him the marking at the bottom of the picture I’m holding.

 

We both work on different booths barely interacting with each other, and it was quite late in the afternoon by the time we finished. Louis promises to give me some pictures later after we come back from the yacht party, but for now, the decorators are back and we thought it would be better to let them do things their way.

 

“Hey!” Mikey steps in front of me as we walk back towards the hotel. “Where have you been? Your phone’s not working.”

 

“Ugh! I forgot to charge it again,” I say. It’s not the first time and it’ll definitely not be the last time that I’ve forgotten to charge my fucking phone.

 

Mike chuckles and shakes his head. “Typical you. Wanna grab a drink?” he asks.

 

“Sure!” I say. I turn to look at Louis but he’s already left and is walking towards the hotel alone.

 

*

 

Mike laughs at my joke. Sitting at the bar, drinking sangria and munching on chicken fritters, it’s a perfect sunny late afternoon.

 

“Anyways, Zayn’s friend is cool!” he says.

 

“Louis?”

 

“Yeah. I didn’t know he was Zayn’s best man,” he says.

 

“He is?” I really did not know this.

 

“Yup. Zayn introduced me to him when I arrived. They both were coming back from somewhere. Didn’t you know?”

 

I shake my head. “No.”

 

Mike puts his hand on my shoulder and rubs it up and down trying to soothe me. “You seem quite distracted today. All ok?”

 

“Yeah.. yeah. All good!” I need more ice in my drink.

 

His hand slips down and he puts it on the back of my hand and curls it around my palm, which is resting on top of the counter. “You can talk to me, you know that right?”

 

I nod in agreement taking another sip of my drink. I need something stronger.

 

I turn my head to look at him but my eyes fall on Louis standing just a few feet behind us, and my breath catches in my throat. He saw us like this.

 

Niall and Zayn join Louis while discussing something.

 

Louis smiles and walks towards us. “Mike, right?”

 

He didn’t even look at me. He just went to him. Louis, why?

 

“Yes, sir. Drink?” Mike asks. At the same time, Niall comes and puts his arms around my neck and orders himself a glass of wine. I don’t quite catch what everyone else orders but I order a G&T for myself. I definitely need something stronger.

 

*

 

The thing is that I totally should date Mike. He is nice, supportive, a patient listener and he really cares about me. Mike has asked me out a couple of times in the past but I’ve always politely declined, not because I don’t like him but because I don’t want to date anyone when I’m still not over the thing that happened between me and Louis. I’ve tried to explain to Mike that he should date other people for his own sake. I don’t know when I will get proper closure with Louis and no one else should suffer because of that. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever get proper closure. I’ve gone on a few dates with people but that’s it. Never anything more than that. Nothing ever feels the way it felt with Louis. Even spaghetti doesn’t taste the same without Louis. I can’t even engage myself in sex the way I did with Louis. And it is nobody’s fault but my own. Waking up next to him, holding him as well fall asleep, all the shenanigans in between, nothing compares to that.

 

Louis and I never even dated. We only had a fling, if that’s what it’s called, and that ended when Louis left the country without saying goodbye. He never even told me he was leaving, I found out from good old social media. There’s a reason I’m not on it anymore.

 

I look up at the full moon in the sky. It always reminds me of the night Louis and I sneaked into Hyde Park in the middle of the night and made love till the break of the dawn. That was a full moon night too.

 

I throw back my drink and go back to join everyone on the dance floor. Our yacht sailed an hour ago. It’s a suit and tie party with some crazy games planned for the evening. I’m looking forward to the food and drink more though. I’m still trying to not look in Louis’ direction. He’s been on the dance floor for a while. Zayn and Louis used to burn dance floors before. They are keeping the tradition alive right now. I haven’t seen Zayn this relaxed and happy in a while. He really needed Louis by his side.

 

“Ahem.. attention everyone,” Niall announces.

 

Oh no, not that stupid megaphone again

 

“For the love of God Niall just throw away that hideous megaphone,” I shout.

 

“You are such a buzzkill,” Zayn says.

 

“I’m not… I just never want to see that thing,” I defend myself.

 

“It was a gift,” Niall continues over the megaphone. Honestly, Niall just shut up. “I’m never throwing it away.”

 

“Who the fuck gives someone a megaphone?” I roll my eyes so hard it hurts.

 

“Listen I was proud of our Nialler one day and to celebrate it I gave him a megaphone,” Zayn says. Sandy sitting next to Liam’s mother laughs maniacally.

 

Jesus Christ, why am I even friends with them?

 

"Back to the announcement," Niall says. "As you can see there is a big wheel to my right with some tasks written on it."

 

Everyone cheers in the room. It’s a huge wheel.

 

"And next to the wheel is the lovely Lexi, who will spin it," he continues. "We have the names of all the guests here in the bowl. Lexi will pick a name and whoever’s name is picked will have to complete the task the arrow stops at." He points at the wooden arrow in the center of the wheel.

 

There are interesting tasks written on the wheel like ‘Kiss your date’, ‘Smooch your date’, ‘Take five shots in a row’, ‘Grooms kiss’. I just hope my name doesn’t get picked.

 

Mike brings me another drink and we clink our glasses together. We all enjoy the game for another hour and neither Mike nor I get called, which is good.

 

“Alright! This is the last one we are doing today then we’ll move towards the dinner table,” Niall announces.

 

Lexi picks a chit from the bowl, “Louis!”

 

A smile makes way to my lips. This is going to be interesting. Louis walks towards the wheel laughing. Liam and Zayn are saying something to him that is audible only to them.

 

“Let’s do this, darling,” he says politely. Lexi spins the wheel as Louis waits patiently sipping on his drink. He is still the most chilled out person ever.

 

And.. the wheel stops at ‘Smooch your date’.

 

Interesting.

 

“I don’t have a date,” Louis says nonchalantly and walks back to his seat.

 

“Oh wait! Harry here doesn’t have a date either,” Niall says. Excuse you, Niall, what do you mean? “You can smoochie him.”

 

“Fuck off Neil,” both Louis and I say in unison.

 

“See? It’s not like you don’t have a history,” he continues.

 

“What?” Mike says in surprise. The second these hands catch you, Niall.

 

“Yeah! Smoochie each other,” Zayn shouts and everyone on the fucking yacht starts cheering.

 

“Come one guys. It’s just a bit of fun,” Sandy shouts. I hate Sandy.

 

Louis looks at me and for a moment I contemplate it. It’s just one kiss. Just one. It would be harmless. There are so many people here, I probably won’t even feel it. It will be done in the fraction of seconds.

 

“Ok,” I mouth to him.

 

I walk towards him. Oh God! This is a bad idea. There’s never just one time or just one kiss with us. This is gonna be whole lot of difficult. I won’t ever get over it. Louis stands in front of me, looking directly into my eyes. Yep, never getting over it.

 

And in the next second his mouth is on mine. This feels good. It feels the same as it did years ago. Like we haven’t been apart. I close my fists to keep myself from grabbing his waist. He tastes the same. His mouth is warm with a hint of alcohol taste. I never want to stop.

 

*

 

 

I stop dead in my tracks walking towards my room as Liam rushes in front of me. I’m so tired and I just need some sleep.

 

“My dear friend!” Liam says in his most flattering voice.

 

I narrow my eyes at him. What does he want from me? He never glosses things over like this.

 

“I’m nobody’s friend, just me and myself,” I say flatly.

 

He gently puts his arm around me and slowly starts to walk with me towards my room. “No, it’s not like that. I’m your best mate and you’re mine.”

 

He really wants something, I can sense it.

 

“Spit it out, Li,” I say.

 

He takes a deep breath and nods. Oh God! What does he want?

 

He quickly says in one breath, “Can Louis stay in your room for tonight?”

 

I shake my head. I must have heard him wrong.

 

“What?”

 

“We don’t have any extra rooms booked, Harry! He came unannounced and we have family arriving in three hours,” he says desperately.

 

“Move him to your room. You have a king size bed, you can fit him in there,” I say pointedly.

 

“Hazza!” I hear an edge of a warning in his voice.

 

"The grooms seeing each other a night before the wedding is considered unlucky, isn’t it?" I’m sure I have read that somewhere or heard it, maybe.

 

“That’s a superstition. And it’s about seeing each other in the wedding suit. Please, Harry!” he begs.

 

Phew! “Ok!”

 

What else can I say to him? Absolutely nothing. You can’t deny the groom anything a night before the wedding. This is the last time I’m being someone’s best man.

*

 

The doorbell of my room buzzes. I think he is here. He can sleep on the couch. There’s an extra set of bedding in the closet. I looked for it as soon as I entered my room. I rush towards the door and open it. And it’s not Louis, but Mike standing on the other side of the door.

 

“Hey!” I say.

 

“Do you have a minute?” he asks softly. He’s still wearing his suit. I’ve changed into my PJs.

 

“Sure!” I gesture for him to walk towards the balcony. “Drink?”

 

He nods. I fill two glasses of wine and walk in the same direction.

 

Offering one to him I say, “What is it?”

 

He takes a sip of his drink, “You didn’t tell me that you and Louis were involved in the past.”

 

I had known this was coming.

 

“It was just a brief thing,” I say, trying to dodge any further questions.

 

He bites his lip and turns to look at the ocean in front of us. “Is he the reason you don’t want to go out on a date with me?”

 

My heart breaks with his question. How can I tell him that Louis is indeed the reason?

 

“I-I feel like I just need some time. It’s not because of Louis, but because I want to settle down in my career before getting serious about any commitment.” Some part of this is true.

 

We both stay silent for a while looking at the endless ocean in front of us. This night is lovely as well. The sound of the ocean waves is very calming. How funny is it that the ocean in front of us isn’t calm or quiet itself, but is so soothing to us?

 

After a while, Mike turns to look at me. “Is his presence here making you uncomfortable?”

 

Mike, stop being so good to me and taking care of me! Why can’t I just date you and forget all about Louis? But I guess he left a mark deep inside me and I still can’t get over it.

 

“Not really. I don’t mind him around. I just really need some sleep and I’ll be fine,” I lie to his face again. The pros of being a lawyer? You learn to lie.

 

There’s another knock on the door. I think Louis is finally here. Excusing myself I get to the door.

 

“Hi,” Louis says. His rucksack on his shoulders, a bottle of water in hand and his camera in the other. It reminds me, he took so many pictures tonight. I gesture for him to enter the room.

 

Putting down his rucksack on the table he turns to look at me. But before he can say anything else, I walk out towards the balcony. Mike looks at me curiously but I just shake my head.

 

“He’s staying the night here.” I don’t know why, but I feel like it’s better to give Mike a heads up.

 

“Harry? Umm.. I need to print out the pictures I told you about. Is there a printer around?” Louis stands behind me with his camera and laptop in his hands.

 

“They might have one in the resort’s office. I have absolutely no idea,” I say. Honestly, he should know where he can find a printer in a hotel. He travels a lot.

 

“Oh ok!” He takes a small step back and his gaze flickers between me and Mike.

 

Something dark rises inside my chest at the way he looks at us. There’s a perplexed expression on his face and by the way he is standing I can sense that he is feeling insecure. Does it hurt you, Louis, seeing me with someone else? Good! It should.

 

I turn my head towards Mike and ask him, “Refill?”

 

He nods and I excuse myself to pour us another drink. I don’t see Louis leave but I hear the front door closing as I put back the bottle on the shelf. I take a deep breath and gather myself before going back to the balcony again. I feel guilty for letting Louis think about something that isn’t even there.

 

*

 

“Hey,” Louis says as he returns back to the room after an hour or so. Mike left a couple of minutes ago and he was a darling to offer me the night in his room if Louis’ presence made me uncomfortable. I turned down his offer politely.

 

“I got the pictures if you want we can put them up now,” he says.

 

I agree, not because I want to spend  more alone time with Louis but because I want to finish it all quickly. I don’t want to leave anything for tomorrow morning, because I know I won’t have a minute to spare. The entire resort is so quiet right now. Everyone has retreated back to their rooms so they’re fresh for the wedding tomorrow. Even the number of staff around has reduced.

 

When we reach the reception hall, it’s illuminated by the flower decoration outside. We enter and I switch on the lights. And damn it looks even prettier. Three rows of tables with twenty chairs are laid down for the lunch. Flower decoration runs in the middle of every table, which wasn’t there before. I smile looking around the room.

 

“It’s so beautiful,” Louis says. I nod and walk towards the first booth. Louis hands me the pictures he printed out.

 

I smile looking at the first one. It was from the first  party Liam and I ever attended at Zayn’s place. Not sure when was this taken but it seems like it was after we were on the dance floor late at night. Liam and Zayn are looking at each other fondly and I guess this is the first picture of their relationship. I don’t know if either of them have ever seen this or not.

 

The second picture is from their camping trip, where they are both looking at each other while toasting marshmallows. As I look at each picture, I feel even more endeared by them. They were always made to be together. So different, but still so perfect together. They have had some troubled times in their relationship but nothing could come between their love. Looking at the pictures is like going through the timeline of their relationship. Honestly, these few pictures are better than all the comics and pictures Sandy and I worked on. I could hang these and even a blind person would be able to see their love. The last picture is from today, they’re kissing with the full moon behind them. It’s perfect. One thing I can’t deny is that Louis is an exceptional photographer.

 

“These are lovely,” I compliment him. He blushes next to me.

 

We both get to work and finish hanging the pictures within half an hour. Louis tries to start a conversation a couple of times, but I brushed him off. Despite that, it’s hurting me more not talking to him.

  


*

 

I had been planning to ask Louis to take the couch, but he seems tired and there are dark circles under his eyes, so instead, I decide to take the couch. There’s still some goodness towards Louis left in me.

 

“What are you doing?” Louis asks as I walk towards the couch with the bedding in my hands. “You don’t have to sleep on the couch!”

 

“I’m fine,” I say.

 

“No Haz! You can sleep on the bed as well,” he says.

 

I look at him tilting my head slightly. He knows it’s not a good idea for us to share a bed.

 

“In that case, I’ll take the couch. I’m the guest in your room.” He walks up to me and snatches the bedding away from me. I can sense irrational bitterness in his voice. I‘m feeling guilty that I might have crossed a line. But…

 

I let him take the bedding and walk towards the bed and get comfortable on it.

  


Even after a few minutes I can hear Louis turning and trying to get comfortable on the couch. I don’t think he’s ever had to sleep on a couch. It might be a bit uncomfortable for him. Now I’m feeling utterly ashamed of myself. I’ve been avoiding him for my own reasons but I never wanted him to be in a situation where he is physically uncomfortable. I should put my ego aside and ask him to get back here. It’s not very nice of me to make anyone suffer. It doesn’t make me any better.

 

“Come back to the bed, Louis,” I say quietly. My voice pierces through the unsettling quietness of the room.

 

“I’m fine.” I know he hissed it through his teeth. I know that tone.

 

I sit up on the bed and flick on the lamps. “Louis! Get in here.”

 

I make the quiet request as our gazes lock. I still feel so warm and loved in his gaze. Why Louis? Why can’t I have this forever? I don’t know how long we both looked at each other like that before Louis got up and settled next to me.

 

Before he could say anything I turn away from him and close my eyes, hoping to fall asleep.

 

*

 

I blink my eyes couple of times to adjust to the darkness. I fell asleep and I don’t know what’s woken me up. I check the time on the bedside clock and it’s a little after three. Well it’s not the first time I’ve woken up in the middle of the night. I once read it somewhere that if you can’t fall asleep at night that means somewhere your soulmate can’t sleep as well. I chuckled reading it back then. Like Louis wouldn’t be asleep too if I’m not.

 

Taking a huge breath I turn on my back. My head falls on Louis’ side. And he’s looking at me with his eyes wide open. What the fuck? Even with the dim moonlight entering through the windows I can see him clearly. The moonlight falls on the high point of his cheekbone, highlighting it. I hate that he looks so gorgeous in front of me right now.

 

I turn on my side to look at him. Louis has always had a calming effect on me. Some eyes are always full of mischief, some reflect the storm going on inside and some are gentle. These blue eyes in front of me are a balm. How many nights have I seen them in my dreams? How many days have I prayed endlessly for them to appear from somewhere so I can get lost in them again?

 

My eyes fall on his red lips, slightly parted. I can remember how they felt against mine. Soft, warm and demanding lips that have their own way of getting the most intense kiss from me. I could never deny anything they asked for, in fact I gave it with equal fervor. His thin lips are the devil’s work. I can remember the feeling I used to get when they worked their way from my own lips to my neck and then to every inch of my body.

 

A few hours ago, when we kissed, it felt like I came back to life after a long time. Like I was breathing for the first time in a while. It felt like drops of rain on a barren land. It felt so good. I never knew how thirsty I was for his kiss until we kissed.

 

I don’t know who makes the first move, but our lips are brushing against each other again. I’m going to explode because of this feeling. I can’t stop what I’m feeling right now, I can’t hold myself anymore. His sweet breath, mint with traces of alcohol is so refreshing. I can feel myself getting hard. This is what he does to me. He makes me weak in the knees.

 

And just like that, our mouths are crashing together, his lips sucking the life out of me, tongues lashing against each other. I can feel a little wetness around my mouth. His silky tongue is doing whatever it can to drive me crazy. I’m getting harder with each swipe and at the wet sounds our mouths are making. My hand slips around his waist and I can feel the smooth skin beneath his clothes. My pinky comes in contact with a small patch of warm bare skin on his back and it sends a wave of electricity inside me. Finding its way, my hand pulls back his hair to deepen the kiss.

 

His arm loops around my shoulder and our legs entangle. We don’t even have to try to get comfortable with each other’s bodies because we know them so well. We know every last inch of each other. Our breath mingling, our bodies fitting together perfectly and the sweet rhythm of the sounds that escape our throats... All of it feels good.

 

Louis bends his knee further against my shaft and damn I need him now. He knows what he’s doing. I’m sensitive to moves like these. He continues rubbing his thigh there. I pull his hair even harder, it’s taking me a hell lot of energy to control myself.

 

Next second, Louis is climbing on top of me. I will die one day from our sexual chemistry and need for each other at all times. Back in uni, there wasn’t a single place where we didn’t fuck. From our places to bathroom stalls of the library, we’ve done it everywhere, every way. He still hasn’t stopped driving me crazy with his lips making their way down my neck.

 

Should I let myself have tonight or should I stop Louis right here? I’m so confused and Louis is confusing me even more. One thing I know is, if I asked Louis to stop he wouldn’t say a word against it, he would oblige. But the problem is I don’t know what I want. All these years, I have waited to have him next to me at night, to make love to him one last time, to tell him one last time that he can never ever find this chemistry with anyone else. To make sure he knows I love him. Will this be our last time? I deflate a little and my arms go weak thinking about it. I don’t ever want a last time with us. Ever!

 

I think Louis senses my body going lax under him because he looks up at me, right in my eyes. I think he can also see the question looming in my head. He was always attentive towards me, in or out of bed. He always cared about what I wanted and what I didn’t. His face right now looks so good. His lips all wet, his eyes a little dazed, his breathing slightly ragged. Fuck, I’m doing this. We are doing this.

 

I pull him back and nip his lower lip lightly provoking a _tsk_ from him. To pay me back for it, he covers my entire mouth with his and then goes to assault every last inch of my skin with that devilish mouth of his.

 

We haven’t spoken a single word to each other. It would have been awkward if we did. Somewhere during all the kissing and feeling each other, we’ve both managed to strip naked. Louis is rubbing his balls against my cock, sitting atop me. He looks at me right in the eye again, asking for permission. He always did.

 

Taking his delicate fingers in mine, I guide them towards my dick and wrap them over it. He starts moving his hand up and down. My back arches slightly at the feeling. Louis throws his head back when I trail my index finger over the slit of his cock. I swipe the slight pre cum and trail it down his  length. He’s hot and ready just like me. My hands automatically fly towards the bedside table. Opening the drawer with one swift motion I grab a handful of packets of lube and condoms and throw them over my torso. Louis immediately wets his fingers with the first pack of lube he sees and gets to work.

 

I bring the packet of the condom near his mouth and he tears it in one swift motion with his sharp teeth. He slowly rolls it down my cock and gives it few pumps again. He is so wet and ready and he slides down on me slowly while I grab his hips tightly. It doesn’t take me much time to come. With his seductive moans, his calculated motions, and his hot dick slapping heavily against my torso every now and then, I fall apart under him and a gruntled noise escapes my throat. As I try to catch my breath a few tears fall from my eyes.

 

I’ve missed you so much Louis. I have missed you with every breath I took, every face I saw, every pair of blue eyes that came in front of me. Why did you leave me? Why wasn’t I enough for you? Wasn’t I good enough for you to tell me the truth? Why did you lie about loving me when every kiss I gave you was full of love ? Why, Louis? Why my love wasn’t enough? What did I do wrong? Just tell me.

 

Louis falls on top of me, breathless and sweating. I stroke his back trying to calm him down before I turn him over and kiss his lips again. This time slow and steady. Like we are healing each other. Healing every scar we have. Being with Louis like this is like meditating, like getting lost in our world of pleasure where we know what drives one of them to the edge or what the other likes. Slipping myself out from him, I trail my mouth down his body. I can feel his body arching under me. I swipe my tongue over his heavy balls and the moan that escapes him makes me hard again. I take him inside my mouth, then my throat until I have my nose buried in his pubic hair. He always liked to stay clean and there was sparse hair back then. It looked good against his pink and white skin.

 

I take him out when I feel him leaking at the back of my throat. I’m not letting him cum tonight. I’m still mad at him. Call me selfish but he _left_ me. I’m not a person who let's go off things easily. So no, he ain’t cumming tonight.

 

"Ugh! Harrehhhhh!" Louis screams. I slip my hand under his neck and flip him on his side.

 

Adjusting myself behind him, one knee pressed between his legs and pushing against him. One of his hands moves down towards his cock to get a release. I stop him mid way and pin both of his hands in front of his face.

 

"Don’t do this to me, Harry! Please," he begs. Beg more Louis. I bite his ear and he throws his head back giving me proper access to his neck. Grazing his neck with my teeth and swiping my tongue over it.

 

"Hazza! Please," he pleads again.

 

But I don’t listen to him and continue to torture him with my mouth and sometimes with my knees against him. At one point I can feel tears streaming down his face. I might hate Louis but I never want to see him cry, especially for a denied orgasm. Never!

 

I roam one of my hands down his body. He gasps loudly as my hand touches on the dewy skin of his chest. It takes two pumps and Louis comes with full force and an almighty shudder. A broken cry comes out of his mouth. Spreading his own hot cum over his navel, I turn him on his back again. Sweat and tears cover his face.

 

I kiss away every drop of tears from his beautiful eyes.

 

The last thing I hear him say quietly is my name before I wrap myself around him and fall asleep in his arms.

  
  
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	7. Chapter 7

**_Six years back…_ **

 

I blink a couple of times to wake up and adjust my eyes to the faint morning light of the room. Something trails down my shoulder, something soft. Taking a sleepy deep breath I turn my head 180 degrees. Louis is looking at me with one of his hands tucked under his head and another one on my shoulder. Everything that happened last night comes back to me. The Coldplay concert, our kiss, coming back to my place and having sex. I smile remembering how good last night was. It was magical. It was a mix of giggles, embarrassing noises, sloppy kisses, clumsy movements and both of us too excited to contain it all.

 

Louis moves and kisses me on the back of my neck and continues trailing his lips down my arm. I can feel a slight wetness in every kiss and god it feels so good. I close my eyes to absorb this feeling. I never want it to stop. Louis kisses my cheek and caresses my curls before laying his head back on the pillow. I open my eyes to look at him again. There’s still traces of sluggishness in his eyes.

 

“Morning,” he says in his raspy voice. There are some words, some voices that feel right to you, that make your heart skip a beat. His raw morning voice is that for me. I’ve never heard it before but it already feels like it can heal all wounds. It feels like tapered silk strands, you know it isn’t well finished but it’s still so good in its own way.

 

“Good morning,” I smile. We both look at each other silently. Even silence is comfortable with him.

 

Well, even the house seems pretty quiet and knowing that Liam likes to play the radio in the morning, I wonder where he is.

 

“Did Li come home last night?” I break the silence with the most out of place question imaginable. I shouldn’t be asking about Liam when Louis and I are still lying next to each other naked, save for the sheets in between us.

 

He chuckles, “He wasn’t even supposed to. Zayn was going to take him out for dinner after the concert and back to our place.”

 

“Are they dating?” I’m curious.

 

“Where have you been all these weeks?” he says pursing his lips to keep from laughing out loud. “They’re just seeing how things work right now.”

 

I turn on my back and wonder why Liam hasn’t told me anything about it. It dawns on me that it isn’t the fact that he hasn’t told me but it’s me not having enough time to sit with him and ask about his personal life. After lectures, studies, and jobs, I get so tired that by the time I open the front door I’m already dying to get in bed. Liam mostly spends his weekends with Zayn which isn’t surprising to me. I knew there was something going on between them but I didn’t know yesterday was their first date. I’ll text him in a while and ask all about it.

 

“What time is it now?” Who even needs to know the time right now? I need to stop asking him stupid questions else he’ll think I’m weird.

 

Louis checks the time on his phone, “Five minutes past seven.” He says putting the phone back on the bedside table.

 

“Holy fuck,” I jump and in one swift motion, I’m out of bed without caring too much about still being naked.

 

“What happened?” I hear Louis just behind me as I walk into the bathroom.

 

“I’m late for my shift at the bakery,” I jump into the shower and pull the curtains. Oh, God! The water is too cold and is assaulting my still warm skin, but I don’t have time to wait for it to get hot. I’m already late.

 

“Harry! Quit your job at the bakery. I told you I’ll pay you for tutoring me. Don’t overwork yourself like this.”

 

“I’m not your charity case, thanks. And I need money to pay my fees.” Honestly, how many times are we going to talk about my jobs? Why does he care so much about them anyway?

 

“Charity is my mum’s area. I want to help you,” I can hear the helplessness in his voice. I know he doesn’t have any bad intentions, but I don’t like taking help from people, especially financially.

 

I peek at him from behind the curtain and say aggressively, “No! And we are never discussing this again.” He rolls his eyes super hard at me and continues brushing his teeth.

 

*

 

Outside Louis hands me the keys to his car asking me to drive. His car is very spacious with enough room for my long legs. Louis turns on the radio and looks out of the window. The traffic is sparse as it usually is on weekend mornings. After a while, Louis takes off his shirt.

 

“What are you doing?” I gasp.

 

“I’m not wearing last night’s clothes,” he says affirmatively. Turning back, he rifles through the collection of his clothes back there. As chilled out as he is with changing clothes in a moving car, I’m worried that if a police officer catches us, we’ll be fined. He holds one shirt in each hand and waves them in front of me.

 

“Which one?” he asks.

 

“I really don’t care dude. Put it on quick before we get caught,” I say impatiently.

 

He simply shrugs and murmurs to himself making the decision. He finally settles on a white long-sleeved t-shirt with bold black stripes on it.

 

“Do you even wash all the clothes that are in the back seat?” It seems like the clothes have a permanent residence there.

 

“I never wear a piece of clothing twice before it’s gone to the dry cleaners,” He is again looking for something behind.

 

“Why don’t you wash your clothes yourself?” Everyone does.

 

“Who has time for that kind of work?” he says, as though my question has been ridiculous. These rich kids. After a couple of seconds, he picks up some jeans.

 

“Nooooooo Louis!” Please not again.

 

"Shut up! And concentrate on driving," he slips out of last night’s jeans. I scrunch up my nose as I get a flashback of last night.

 

*

 

“One expresso with cream and topped with caramel,” Louis says stretching and yawning. Mrs. Hermes told me that I’ll have to work an extra half an hour since I was late, and I agreed to it.

 

“When does your footie practice start?” I ask him.

 

“In half an hour,” he says dragging a chair to the counter. “A blueberry muffin as well.”

 

I steal a glance at him while I prepare his coffee. He’s scrolling through his phone, alternately smiling when reading something, or frowning over it. I don’t care about the frowning but the smiling bothers me. His eyes suddenly darts towards me.

 

He waggles his eyebrows, “What?”

 

I shake my head and continue making his coffee.

 

I pass him a muffin and his coffee and start arranging the counter. Louis picks the tissue paper I gave him and picks up the pen on the corner of the counter. He draws something on it while I arrange the shelves.

 

“Hey! When will your shift end?” he asks, taking out his wallet to pay for his breakfast.

 

“After lunch.”

 

“Cool! See you after lunch then.” He puts money over the tissue paper and passes it over to me before leaving. I watch him till he gets into his car and drives off. The room still has the lingering scent of his cologne.

 

I pick up the notes and my eyes fall on the drawing on the napkin. It’s the ugliest stick figures with Louis and Harry written next to them. I look at it for a while, tracing my fingers over the ink. I don’t know why but it makes me really happy that he drew us. I mean, this could mean something. I don’t know how I will be able to keep myself from jumping his bones every time I see him, after last night. I don’t know how I will not think about our kisses every time I see his face or just remember him. It’s going to be so difficult.

 

I pick up my phone and send him a text:

 

_‘I just saw art fall into the never ending abyss of despair’._

 

His reply is immediate:

 

_‘You dick’._

 

_*_

 

For the next few months, things are great between me and Louis. We don’t always spend time with each other but we try to whenever we can find the time. What I love is that whenever we are in a group of people, Louis is protective of me. If we’re in the canteen or a cafe, he asks me first what I want. He makes sure I’m never ignored since I’m not too talkative.

 

He listens to me patiently whenever I talk, whether we are alone or with a group. I can see him looking at me every time, it’s not that difficult to catch him looking at me even from a distance. His kisses always feel so desperate and needy, like he needs them for a reason. His touch is always gentle but his hold very firm. I love it when his fingers gently trail down my skin or when his wet lips do things to my body. There isn’t a single inch of me Louis hasn’t touched.

 

I find it extremely difficult to stop my thoughts turning sinful when he’s around. It takes me a lot of concentration when I tutor him. We once decided to have our tutoring session at his place. It was a bad idea. We sat down next to each other with our notes open and every time we had slight physical contact, we had to stop for a couple of seconds before continuing. I could feel the sexual tension in the air that day. After ten minutes we were all over each other on the floor. Since that day, for the sake of our grades, we try to study either in the library or in a public place.  Us being alone in a room is never a good idea. Just like us trying to sleep next to each other, peacefully. It’s impossible! We always end up wrapped around each other, with our hands touching and mouths ravishing each other. No matter how many times we do it, it’s never enough. We keep coming back to each other for more and more.

 

Two things that bother me are: 1) we haven’t discussed whether we are dating or not. 2) Tia. She’s everywhere with him when I’m not. She’s with him at parties, at every formal function. She’s all over him whenever they’re drunk. Louis and his squad attended a barn party a few days ago and there were a few pictures where Tia and Louis were super close. I mean Louis was hugging her from behind in a very intimate way. It’s like they don’t have any personal space between them. I tried to go through his social media till the end, but damn there are so many pics that I gave up after a while, thinking that I’m obsessing over something that isn’t even there. Someone posted a picture of Louis in a suit from a formal event and Tia was his date. She looked pretty, and I burned with jealousy. I felt so insecure that he didn’t ask me to be his date.

 

I forget all about it when Louis comes back to spend time with me. It’s like there’s nothing but me and him in our bubble.

 

Today is this season’s last footie match. Louis has been working too hard for the match. He’s either on the field practicing or studying in the library with me. Our finals are around the corner as well. We haven’t been able to catch up with each other after the tutoring sessions. I’ve never attended any of the uni’s football matches and I wasn’t even in the mood to tonight. But since Louis is playing I thought it’s only polite if I go. So after finishing my shift at the library, I went to the match. There’s so much cheering for Louis around. There are literally posters with his name on that people are holding up, and I can hear his name being chanted continuously. He really is everyone’s favorite.

 

It’s a delight to see Louis play football, no wonder everyone’s a fan of him. Even though he is covered in sweat, he looks bewitching. Looking at him cheering up his team, clapping and hugging his teammates every time they score a goal, it all seems like he is in his element. He loves his team and loves to support them. A quick look at the scoreboard and it looks like Louis and his team have won the match already. There isn’t too much time left for the game to end and it will be impossible to catch up and beat the home team.

 

The entire stadium erupted into screams of joy and applause when the home team won the match. Louis kisses the trophy proudly while getting champagne poured on him by his teammates. I walk towards him on the field after he has talked to the uni journalist and got congratulated by every single person in the stadium. Louis politely accepts all the compliments and hugs.

 

His eyes fall on me and he starts to walk towards me. I stop dead in my tracks looking at him. He looks so good right now. The way he looks at me as he stands in front of me makes my heart skip a beat. I tune out all the noises surrounding us. The only thing I can hear is his breathing, the only thing I can see is him. His clear blue eyes, even breathing, red lips slightly parted, makes me weak in the knees. His eyes fall on my lips and the next second his lips are on mine.

 

Even though he’s sweaty, he smells so good. His mouth tastes like champagne, and the more we kiss, the more I want him. It’s been awhile since we kissed, and it feels wonderful. When we break apart to catch our breath, I say to him, “Congratulations!”

 

A smile breaks onto his face and reaches his eyes. “Thank you!”

 

We stand there looking at each other, unable to take our eyes from each other.

 

“Umm.. wanna  grab some dinner with me?” I ask him hesitantly.

 

He bites his lips before answering, “Can’t! Have to celebrate with the lads.” Slight disappointment hits me and I think he senses it because his fingers touch my cheek, dusting away something. “After exams!”

 

I can sense the promise in his tone and nod in acceptance. Even though I would love to spend endless hours in his arms, I have exams to prepare for. I can’t divert my attention to anything else at the moment.

 

*

 

I look up from my notes as I hear the door of the bakery close. If I ever have a single minute free, I try to catch up and go through my notes. The rush isn’t too much right now. Mostly students from uni are here studying in groups. But I wasn’t expecting Tia to show up at the bakery on the weekend. She has absolutely no reason to come here. I mean she doesn’t seem like a person who likes anything less than a Starbucks coffee.

 

“Harry! Isn’t it?” she says with a smile. I can sense something wrong with it. I nod my head. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Nope, I still get a bad feeling from this.

 

“What can I get you?” I ask for her order so she can fuck off quickly.

 

“Ah! I would love a black coffee without sugar,” she says. I turn around picking up a cup for her coffee. “I’m so tired! Louis wears me out.”

 

Excuse me, what? Hearing Louis’ name from her mouth makes my heart race a thousand miles per hour. But I don't turn around to look at her or even react. She’ll guess something is wrong and I don’t want to give her that joy. I pass her the cup of coffee and get to the register to print her receipt.

 

“Can you get me an espresso with cream topped with caramel and a blueberry muffin as well. It’s for Louis,” she says smiling. It’s a victory for me that I pick up another cup from the holder to make a coffee. “You know he needs his coffee first thing in the morning.” She says as a matter-of-fact. “He’s just so tireless, I mean even after playing a match, he was able to go all night.” I swallow my bile and grind my teeth. This woman is testing me. “I was barely even able to walk or get out of bed, but you will catch him fresh as a flower the second he wakes up.” Every word she says raises the hair on the back of my neck. Why was she not able to walk? What was Louis doing with her all night? Yes, I know Louis is always so charged up like even if I would be a little tired or sore from the night before he will spring out of bed without holding back. How does she know about it? Unless…

 

I pack a muffin and coffee in a paper bag and pass it to her with the bill. “I’ll tell him that you made him his coffee. He’ll be glad.” It seems like the malicious smile never left her face. She picks up the parcel, “I gotta wake him up before he is due to meet you for your group study thing, right.”

 

“I tutor him,” I correct her.

 

She snorts, “Darling! He always gets top grades, he doesn’t need any tutoring, I think it’s you who needs help with subjects that’s why you both study together.”

 

“No!” I’m baffled. Louis was the one who came asking me to tutor him and he tells everyone that I need help with subjects. What the hell?

 

She just shrugs, “Anyway, his drive from my place to uni will take him a while. It’s better if I kick him out of the house early.”

 

Why is Louis at her place? He told me he would go out with the lads after the match? What was he doing with her all the bloody night? And why the fuck did he lie about the tutoring thing?

 

*

 

“What do you think about this case, Harry?” Louis asks me. I have successfully managed to avoid him since we sat down at the library.

 

“You tell me. You’re the one helping me with my studies,” I say flatly. I’m still so pissed at him.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Tia came in today and told me that we study together because I need help with subjects.” The words come out meaner than I had intended them to.

 

“What? I never told her that,” he says, confusion clouding his face.

 

“Really? ‘Cos she sounded pretty sure. And I never knew that you were always an A grader.”

 

“When did she come? What else did she say?”

 

“Didn’t she give you the coffee and muffin she took for you?” I’m quite amazed that he can lie like this.

 

“No! She didn’t,” he says.

 

I’m two seconds away from asking him why he was in her bed half naked and I know this because that picture popped up on my social media dash. He was literally lying on the bed shirtless with just sheets over his pecs. Some people had even commented ‘cute couple’ and shit like that on the pic.

 

“What?” he asks. “Listen! I know she’s a bit possessive about me since we broke up-”

 

“What?” I literally cannot anymore. When the fuck were they dating? “You never told me you were dating?”

 

“We were together back in high school but I couldn’t work on our relationship and we broke up. Look she doesn’t have any bad intentions, she’s just protective over me.”

 

“Why have you never told me this before?” I ask him. Louis just shrugs. No, fuck Louis. It’s not something you just brush away. I have the right to know about your past relationships.

 

“Why are you acting weird about it?”

 

His words hit me badly. He’s just made me feel like nothing like I’m just another passing affair to him. I did see some pictures from the party last night as well and Tia was with him all the time. It makes me doubt him. I can’t know if he’s lying to me or telling me the truth because he never speaks much about his personal life. It seems like I’m back where I started with him. Right now he seems like a stranger about whom I don’t know anything. I can’t take this anymore. I pick up my books and leave without saying anything else, refusing to listen to his protests. I send him a text later saying I can’t study with him anymore since I need to concentrate on my studies alone. He sends me some text saying it’s just an hour or so but I don’t reply.

 

*

 

Today was our graduation day. My mum couldn’t make it because she couldn’t leave my nan for a whole day. I’m a bit hurt that no one from my family came. I was hoping my father would, but he replied to my email saying he was out of the country. He’s always out of the country. After my mum and dad separated, my dad didn’t care much about me. He casually offered me financial help for my studies, through email. I declined. I’m not an obligation to any one. If he couldn’t bother to call me or ask me face to face, then I don’t need his help in any way.

 

Zayn’s father handed us our degrees. He is an eloquent speaker. No doubt he won a seat in parliament and many hearts with it. Louis’ parents were there, so proud that both Niall and Louis graduated with flying colors. Liam has gone out to dinner with his parents. And here I am all alone in my flat, drinking cheap wine and having a hard time choosing whether I want to make myself a decent dinner or order something.

 

The buzz from the doorbell catches my attention. Liam’s back early! And why is he ringing the bell? Where’s his key? I hate it when people forget their key.

 

As I open the door, it isn’t Liam but Louis on the other side, holding a bunch of flowers over a huge box of pizza in his hand. There’s a box wrapped in red paper in between the flowers and the pizza box. He looks really good in his white oversized jumper. He looks cuddly, to be honest.

 

“Hi,” he says sheepishly. It’s like he is measuring my reaction and then deciding what to say. I invite him in without saying anything.

 

Every time he comes here, I feel a little conscious of my place. It isn’t as ostentatious as his. I mean as furniture we only have three bean bags, a center table and a small cupboard over which we have a TV. There are a few patches of paint on the wall. There’s nothing flashy or fancy here. We have limited things in the kitchen as well. My room only has a bed, a bedside table, a study table and a cupboard for my clothes. But that’s all I can afford. London is so expensive.

 

“Congratulations on graduating!” he says cheerily. I wish I could muster the same enthusiasm as him. Right now I feel so tired I just nod my head and whisper, “Same to you.”

 

“I got you something,” he says. Yes, I can see the box of pizza. He puts all the stuff he is holding on the table and picks up the red box.

 

Biting his lip with a ghost of a smile on his face he says, “It’s your graduation present from me!”

 

“You didn’t have to,” I say.

 

“I know you are modest and all that, but I wanted to say thank you for tutoring me. You helped me a lot,” he says.

 

“It’s not like you needed any help,” I say. I haven’t forgotten what Tia told me about him not needing any tutoring and that he helps me.

 

“Harry! Please. It’ll make me happy if you take it,” he insists.

 

How can I reject him now? Sighing loudly I take the gift from him. It’s a rectangular box, shaped like a shoebox but not big enough to hold shoes. I open the pink tissue ribbon on the top of it. The packaging looks so expensive that my heart is beating slightly faster. I carefully unwrap the box.

 

Hermes is written over an orange box in golden letters. I’m honestly speechless and stunned right now. I slowly raise my eyes to look at him. Louis is still looking at me excitedly. He urges me to open the box. I take in a shaky breath and lift the lid. Under white tissue paper is a neatly folded turquoise silk scarf. I really don’t know how to react. I’ve never received such an expensive gift in my life from anyone.

 

“Louis! I- I can’t take this,” I say.

 

He takes the scarf from the box and wraps it around my neck, “It’ll keep you warm.” His hands slide down my chest and he looks at me. I slowly take off the scarf and put it back in the box.

 

“Thanks!” I mean it genuinely. I start walking towards the kitchen to get some wine.

 

“Harry, I’m sorry that I never told you about my past with Tia,” he says. I turn around to look at him, and guilt written on his face.

 

Oh, are we talking about it now? Ok, cool! I cross my hands over my chest waiting for him to speak further. “I never told you ‘cos I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable about it. We’re still friends because we’ve been friends forever. Whatever Tia and I had, it was a brief thing and it was over as soon as it started.”

 

I don’t say anything but wait for him to continue.

 

“That night after the game, we were partying till 4 in the morning. I was so drunk that I couldn’t drive so I decided to crash at her place for the night. I can see why that picture would have made you uncomfortable. It even made me uncomfortable, to be honest.”

 

Something about his confession makes all of the anger I had against him drain out of me. Right now I’m too tired and hungry to even ask him anything more about it. So I simply nod and invite him to sit, gesturing to one of the bean bags. I’m close to tears when he opens the box of pizza. I haven’t eaten all day.

 

“This is the worst wine I’ve ever tasted,” he says after we finish our pizza and decide to drown ourselves in wine. I can’t help but laugh at this.

 

“What do we do now?” he asks hopefully. I know where this is going but I’m honestly not in the mood today.

 

“I’m bone tired and I just need some sleep. Thanks for the pizza,” I stand up and take the pizza box to the kitchen. “Do you want anything else?”

 

“No, I’m good!”

 

As we settle in bed I turn away from him, too disconnected to think about anything. It’s been a long day and I missed my parents so much. Even though I’m so tired I can’t fall asleep, I just gaze at nothingness in the dark room. After some time Louis wraps his arms around me, kisses the back of my head and tightens his hold on me. Somehow he always knows how to comfort me without saying anything. I swallow the lump in my throat, intertwine our fingers and fall into one of the most peaceful sleep I’ve had in awhile.

 

*

 

Refusing to open my eyes properly, I turn on my other side and am welcomed by Louis’ raspy voice “Rise and shine, sunshine.”

 

I groan in protest. Why the hell does he wake up so early and fresh?

 

“I got us breakfast,” he says cheerily. I open my eyes and blink a few times to wake up properly. He is sitting in front of me, wearing his jumper and a smile on his face. Ok but no one is supposed to look this beautiful when they wake up. I hate him. “Get up before it gets cold.”

 

Half heartedly I manage to get my arse out of bed. I check my phone and there’s a message from Liam telling me he wouldn’t be home last night. I didn’t check my phone after I came back from uni.

 

“A proper English breakfast! Eggs, bacon, and sausage,” Louis pass me a plate heaped with food and a mug of tea. How am I supposed to eat all this?

 

“Thanks!” I say.

 

“What plans do you have for today?” he says in a muffled voice, mouth filled with food.

 

“I have to go to the bakery to clear my account and then to the university to return my ID to the library,” I say. That isn’t much but it’s already 9 and it seems like it will take most of my morning. “Yours?”

 

“Nothing. Wanna catch a movie this evening?” he asks enthusiastically. How can I refuse him? I nod and take a bite of sausage. God! It’s so good.

 

“Do you remember that you have to take me out for dinner? The one we put on hold after the match,” he says with a smirk on his face.

 

A smile makes its way to my face, “Where do you wanna go?” I totally forgot about it but now that he’s reminded me I can’t wait to take him out for a proper dinner. I’m getting paid today so hopefully, I can take him somewhere decent

 

“Surprise me!” he says beaming with happiness.

 

I was lying to myself when I said that I won’t be able to finish all the food on my plate, and I helped myself to some more of it. I’m so famished and nothing beats a full, greasy breakfast. It’s like my comfort food.

 

*

 

This mushroom ravioli is so delicious, I can’t stop eating it. The movie was quite funny and we both had a good time. I brought Louis to this little Italian restaurant Mrs. Hermes always raved about. Well, she wasn’t wrong, the food is amazing here.

 

“What are your plans for the future, Harry?” Louis asks me in between bites.

 

“I have internship offers from three firms. I’m confused which one to join,” I say.

 

“Which firms?”

 

“Your dad’s, Stanley’s, and Clyde’s,” I reply.

 

Louis squeals in delight, “That’s amazing Harry. They’re the UK’s biggest law firms. I’m so happy for you.” He smiles from ear to ear.

 

“Thank you!” I blush at the compliment. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought I would get offers from three such big firms. “What are your plans?”

 

“Umm… continuing with photography” he says nonchalantly. I gape at his words.

 

“You’re not joining your dad’s firm?” I’m quite surprised. I always thought he would take over his dad’s business since he’s so good at law.

 

“I never intended to!”

 

“Then what are you going to do?”

 

“I’ve been planning to move to the States to get an internship as a travel photographer!” he says proudly.

 

"So why did you study law?"

 

“My dad wanted me to get a degree in law and then move to photography.” He takes another bite of his food.

 

“Wow!” I can’t believe his dad agreed to let him distance himself from their family business.

 

“My dad always knew my goal was to become a photographer, hence him grooming Niall as his protege,” he says. I try to find a hint of doubt in his face but there’s none.  

 

“I’m glad,” I say. I raise my glass of wine for him and he joins.

 

And I suddenly realize, “Will you move to the States permanently?” A hint of sadness passes by me at the thought of him moving to a different country altogether. I mean what will happen to us? There’s nothing much between us, but there’s still us.

 

“I’m trying to get an internship with a few photographers here but the ones I want to work for are in the US. So maybe a six-month internship and then back to the UK to get a proper job here,” he takes a bite of his ravioli. “Working under a good one will help me get a better job.”

 

That applies for all the internships, doesn’t it? I never knew that Louis was looking forward to a career in photography, which only tells me how little I know about him. Two seconds ago I thought I knew a lot about him, but right now I wonder if whatever I know about him is an illusion. Like he wants me to think some things but those aren’t actually there. Sometimes I think he likes me, other times I’m not too sure. Sometimes I think we don’t have any distance between us, and sometimes I feel like we have miles and miles. It’s always one step closer to him and then two steps back. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get to know him properly.

 

*

 

My head’s still confused with all the stuff Louis told me about him leaving the country. I thought we were making a progress. I don’t know how I’ll deal with it if he actually does leave and I never get to see him. At this point, he’s unintentionally become an important aspect of my life. I feel comfortable around him, I feel myself around him. It’s too much. Yesterday my parents couldn’t come to graduation and today Louis is telling me he’s going to the States. How am I supposed to deal with it? I’m too emotional and raw. All day today I was thinking if I should join Louis’ dad’s firm for the internship. At the back of my head, I had known that Louis would be there too, and just the thought of his presence in the same office as me was very reassuring.

 

Sometimes it feels like I’m not doing anything right in my life. I try to fix one thing and another falls apart. Every time I hope my heart won’t break, it gets even more broken. When I’ve made a decision about what job I should choose, the person I’m in awe of is moving away. It’s like I can never have two good things in my life at once. And it’s always been like this. I know how much it’s necessary for me to get a good job, it’s difficult for my mom to look after the medical requirements for my nan, and carry on the household. I have been looking after my expenses since I turned 16. I never even asked my mom to help me with my uni fees because I know she wouldn’t refuse but then she would have to live hand to mouth and I wasn’t ready for that.

 

I feel so devoid of everything right now. I should be happy for myself but I’m not. I have been working and studying like a machine for so many years that I don’t even remember what it is like to not work a day or not bury my head in notes and books. Louis came in like a breath of fresh air, he changed something inside me. The way he looked into my eyes, the way our fingers intertwined, all made me believe that good things can happen to everyone. He is my good thing.

 

I turn around and wrap myself around Louis. He’s been scrolling on his phone since we got in bed. I think it’s because today I turned away from him to sleep.

 

Louis wraps his arms around me, “Look at you.” He gently fixes my hair. Once when I was trying to keep my hair in place by tying it in a knot and it kept falling on my face and irritating me, he quietly said that he likes my hair messy and I forgot to breathe for an entire second. But then again he fixes my hair whenever we are like this. I think he just wants to see my face. He continues, “You’ve worked so hard this year and now you are reaping the fruits of your hard work. So proud of you, baby!”

 

Something about his words brings out all the emotions I was hiding. There’s a huge lump in my throat. “I’m so tired, Louis.” My voice cracks and I hate myself for being so near to having a proper breakdown in front of Louis. I should hold myself together.

 

“Relax, baby,” he runs his hand slowly down my back and kisses my forehead.

 

I don’t remember the last time someone caressed me and loved me like this, or comforted me like this. It’s probably been a long time.

 

“Don’t ever leave me, Louis,” I whisper before a sob escapes my throat.

 

“Never,” Louis kisses my forehead again and holds me tightly.

 

After some time when I’ve stopped crying and have managed to gather myself, Louis takes my face in his hands and kisses me deeply, slowly and lovingly. The entire night was the most beautiful thing ever. We made love slow, steady. All the kisses mixed with too many emotions. And as always Louis was so careful attentive towards me. He always treats me like I’m too delicate and will break at any moment. I like the attention he shows me. It’s like for a little time, I’m the center of his universe.

 

“Harry!” Louis comes with an earth shattering orgasm on top of me. Leaning down he buries his head in my neck, catching his breath. I soothe his back and hold his sweaty body tightly.

 

“I love you,” he whispers.

 

I thought I heard it wrong. There’s no way he just said that he loves me. My ears might be hearing things by themselves. I go cold under him, not sure how to react. Even though I want to be near him, I have never imagined myself in any situation where he would be saying these words to me.

 

Before I could process anything further, Louis slips out of me, turns away from me and falls asleep. Nooooo Louis! We were supposed to talk more about this. Why did you turn away? Did you not mean what you just said? Did it come out just in the moment? Or did I do something wrong? Louis, talk to me!

 

But he doesn’t.

 

*

 

I couldn’t sleep properly all night. Every time I closed my eyes, I heard him saying I love you and every time I came up with a proper response. When Louis opened his eyes I couldn’t stop myself and sealed his lips with mine. I needed him.

 

“Haz!” Louis says after some time. Both of us have swollen lips and yet again had not finished kissing each other. “I have to meet Niall for breakfast.”

 

My heart sinks a bit hearing that he already has plans. But I can’t stop him from carrying them out. It takes me some effort to let him get out of bed and for me to put on some clothes.

 

As Louis reaches the door, I pull him back for another deep kiss. I feel like he doesn’t want to leave either.

 

“Don’t go!” I plead silently.

 

“I don’t wanna go either.” He slips his hands around my waist. Our lips brush against each other, breath mingling. "I never want to leave, Haz. I feel so good with you. I’ve never felt like this before."

 

“Stay!” I barely whisper.

 

“I promised Niall yesterday,” he reasons. And I can’t say anything further. I will have to let him go. I hope I get to see him tonight.

 

It’s difficult for me to let go of his hand but his fingers slip through mine and soon he is out of the door. I feel close to tears.

 

I love him. I love him so much and I’m gonna tell him tonight. No holding back, no freezing. Just putting the plain truth out there. It’s not just the apartment that feels empty, it’s something inside me is missing. I walk into my room and flop on Louis side of the bed. It still smells like him. I get a feeling that this is gonna be a horribly long day before I see him again.

 

I don’t know how long I lay in bed like this before my phone begins to ring.

 

“Morning, Mum!” It’s way too early for mum to be calling me.

 

“Harry! You’ve got to come home, sweetie. Your nan isn’t doing good. I’ve admitted her to the hospital,” she says, her voice cracking.

 

I spring upright on the bed quickly. “Mum I’m on my way. Don’t worry. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

I barely had time to think about anything or let anyone know I was leaving. I throw a couple of clothes in my duffle bag and storm out of the house. When I stop at the gas station, I quickly type out a text to Liam telling him everything and that I won’t be home anytime soon. Throughout the journey, I was really worried. A few weeks ago, my mum had been happy Nan was recovering and now this! My nan hasn’t been well for some years now, and somehow we all know that she isn’t going to stay with us for long. Sometimes I feel so bad for her that I hope she will soon be free from her pain.

 

As I reached the hospital, my mum hugged me tightly. The doctors had told her that they weren’t too hopeful that nan would survive the heart attack.

 

Two days later, my nan wasn’t any better. Mum and I were aware of what might happen and kept strong. Mum’s brothers and sisters came to see her as well. There were too many people in the hospital and in our home which barely left me any time for myself. I’ve been staying at the hospital for two days and today my uncle asked me to go home and get a proper rest. I agreed to it, cos I needed it.

 

As always, I can’t fall asleep quickly. I check for any messages. There’s one from Liam asking me if I needed any help from him to which I replied that he shouldn’t worry much since I have my entire family here. There wasn't any message from Louis. I check my emails too, but nada. Out of curiosity, I check my social media and the first thing that pops up is a picture of Louis and Tia captioned ‘Always love meeting him in the morning for eggs’. Tia tagged him. It strikes me that Louis told me he had to meet Niall for breakfast but there was no Niall in the picture. He lied to me. Why does he always lie to me? As I scroll down further what I read literally shakes the earth beneath me. ‘Louis Tomlinson moved to New York’.

 

It hurts me like a huge stab in the gut. He told me about moving to the US, he never told me he already had everything sorted out for it. It was just two days ago that I last saw him. He never mentioned it. He just left. Without saying goodbye. There was no message from him informing me about his move. He didn’t bother to tell me about it or call me. What the hell was I to him? Just a passing affair? Did he ever really care for me or was it all just a big fat lie? I’m feeling so cheap right now. Like I was someone he spent time with when he got bored. He is just a big liar and nothing else.

 

I hate Louis Tomlinson with a passion!

 

*

  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**_Wedding day…_ **

 

I rub my eyes to drive away the sleepiness. The bedside clock says it’s 7:30 in the morning already. Damn! I need to get to Liam quickly. I prop my elbows on the pillow and look out the window on the far side of the room. It seems like a beautiful day. The sun is shining on the clear blue water, making it shimmer like diamonds. Suddenly I feel something soft on the back of my neck. Wow! Such a deja vu. I can feel his lips sliding down my arms. I haven't forgotten last night. It’s fresh in my memory and on my skin. My heart starts beating rapidly as his morning breath falls on my cheek and he plants a kiss there. Closing my eyes, I absorb all the love I can feel for him right now. What I wouldn’t do to never let this moment go away. He plants another kiss on my shoulder bone before leaning his forehead against mine.

 

Louis!

 

My fingers slowly intertwine with his so firmly that it seems like they have always been meant to hold his. Before I can process anything else, our lips are on each other again, drifting me to our own world.

 

In the back of my mind, everything that happened after he left me comes back. Memory is a bitch. You try to forget something for a moment and it won’t let you. It’s like you’re caught in your own web. I can feel a tinge of pain in my heart. Maybe I can forgive myself for falling too deeply in love with him when I shouldn’t have but how can I forget that Louis disappeared from my life? Like nothing ever happened between us. I jerk my face away from him and without looking back in his direction, I make my way towards the shower.

 

*

 

I pick up my cufflinks from the table, almost ready to get my best friend married. Since the grooms are wearing black suits with white silk shirts and bow tie, they asked us not to wear the same. Us groomsmen decided to wear cream colored trousers and vest with a white shirt and a sky blue tie. It matches efficiently with the summer beach wedding theme.

 

“Harry!” Louis says in a low voice as he comes out of the shower.

 

I look up at him in the mirror and my heart skips a beat. Standing not far behind me, Louis has his towel wrapped around his waist. Water is still dripping from his hair on to his bare skin. There are a few marks on his skin as well as on mine, which we left last night. If the situation was different I would have taken him back to bed, but not now. My eyes meet his in the mirror. There’s a little redness around his eyes which makes it seem like he’s been crying.

 

“Talk to me, Harry!” his voice cracks and my heart aches. “Stop avoiding me.” He begs.

 

Honestly, right now I feel like the shittiest person in the world for doing this to him. But does he realize that avoiding him is the most difficult thing for me? I swallow the lump in my throat, muster up all the energy of the universe and the only thing I can bring myself to do is shake my head slightly. I could hug Louis so tight right now. If he was crying in the shower because of me, which I hope he wasn’t, then I hate myself.

 

“What have I done, Harry?” he demands.

 

Really Louis? You forgot so easily? Whatever guilt I had within me washes away in a second. I did not expect him to remember everything but acting like he is completely clueless is the height of negligence. I can’t say anything to him right now, I don’t even want to. I pick up my phone from the table and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me with a loud thud.

 

Wiping a few stray tears from my eyes I take a couple of deep breaths to gather myself before I go in and see Liam. I just hope I can avoid Louis throughout the wedding. I don’t wanna ruin the feeling of my best friend getting married with my own emotional drama. It’s mine to handle and deal with.

 

As soon as I enter the room, I’m greeted with a sharp cry, “Where were you?” Liam’s face is a mixture of surprise and anger which is very justified. I was supposed to meet him an hour ago; he must have been freaking out.

 

I raise my hands in front of me, “Woke up late, sorry!”

 

“What? Bitch, I’m getting married and you’re trying to score your beauty sleep?” And the drama ensues.

 

I shake my head and walk towards him. His cousins are in the room already helping him calm his nerves. His bow tie hangs open with the top button undone, one of his brother’s fixing the hem of his trousers while Liam stands on a stool. His coat is hanging by the window and the photographer is taking some aesthetic pictures. Right now you could see his nervousness from the moon. I pour a glass of chilled wine and hand it over.

 

“Liam! You look amazing,” I fix a few stray hairs in his fringe. Taking his hand in mine, damn they are so cold, I say, “Everything will be fine, Liam! Don’t worry ‘bout a thing.”

 

Liam says quickly, “What if something goes wrong? What if the food isn’t good enough or the guests don’t enjoy the ceremony or what if-”

 

I have to cut him off mid sentence, “It’s not your day to worry about anything. You’re getting married Li, to the person you love the most. There’s nothing in the world that can make the day less glorious for you. It’s yours and Zayn’s day. Enjoy it! Don’t worry about a thing.”

 

He lets out a sigh and his shoulders sag. “This is why you should have been here an hour ago.” His cousin walks away giving him a smile and he steps down the stool.

 

“I’m here now!” I do up his top button and start to tie his bow tie. “I won’t let anything sour your mood today. Take a deep breath now.”

 

And he does. A few deep breaths, a few gulps of chilled wine and he is almost normal. Almost. While the photographer takes his photos, we sit around and crack jokes. Liam blushes scarlet as we continue to tease him for the about very romantic holiday, which is a surprise for him. He only knows that they’re going to Tahiti for their honeymoon, nothing apart from that.

 

*

 

The weather has totally taken Zayn and Liam’s side to make the day memorable. On one side the sun is shining and on the other, you can see a faint rainbow in the sky. Such a mesmerizing view. White chairs are laid down in front of the altar which is slightly raised on the white sand. The flowers at the back of the aisle are red roses. Honestly, this is the most beautiful thing I have ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes on. If only I knew how to take good pictures I would have taken a few good ones that did justice to it. Instead, I took some blurry pictures on my phone which is good enough to take the beauty away from the view.

 

I sneak a glance at Zayn from Liam’s shoulder. He is impatiently shifting from foot to foot, a wide smile on his face, mischief in his eyes as the Reverend reads out their vows. Behind him, Niall and Louis are giggling over something. Louis is wearing his glasses, his suit fits him perfectly. How did he get his suit? Did Niall get him that? But whatever, he looks gorgeous. Thanks to my aviators, I can look at him but I’m sure he can’t see me doing so. I’m still mad at him, but that won’t stop me from appreciating how nice he looks.

 

Liam was freaking out until he saw Zayn waiting for him on the altar. The way relaxed smile breaks on Liam’s face looking at Zayn makes me so happy. It seemed like everything makes sense for him in that moment and all his worries were unnecessary. Thank God for that because I was so close to screaming in his face that he shouldn’t be worrying about anything or anyone else. It’s his day. But that’s Liam, always worrying, always thinking too much. And Zayn is a perfect life partner for him in every way. They both complete each other, boost each other’s confidence while diminishing each other’s flaws. Perfect!

 

Everyone bursts into loud cheers as they kiss each other. White flower petals fall over them and it looks so beautiful. I can’t stop cheering for them while clapping loudly. Along with the loud adulation, I can also hear faint clicking sounds of the camera. Apart from the two photographers, Louis is standing in the middle and capturing the moment. Looking at his pictures from last night, I can say Liam and Zayn only need pictures taken by Louis to keep this moment with them forever. Suddenly our eyes meet and I freeze. And _snap_ , he takes a picture of me before turning around to take a few pictures of the guests.

 

He used to do that before, take pictures of me. I would cover my face with my hand every time he brought his camera to his face. He used to laugh loudly every time I shooed away his camera. Memories! I only have them left now.

  


It’s so weird that Louis hasn’t looked in my direction all day. It’s  unnerving. I like his attention on me, just me. But with the way I reacted to him this morning, I knew this was going to happen. From the corner of my eye, I can see that he is sitting with Zayn’s family and laughing with them over something. I keep all the thoughts aside and concentrate on my dance with Liam’s mum.

 

The clinking sound of the glass grabs my attention. I turn around and find Louis standing in his place at the table. He is sitting with Zayn and Liam’s family. Well, he is Zayn’s family to an extent. He clears his throat.

 

“Can I have your attention please?” he says. The entire room falls silent, he has everyone’s attention. He always has everyone’s attention, he shouldn’t even ask for it. “Thank you so much.” He continues.

 

“For everyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Louis and I’m the best man. Every cloud has a silver lining, doesn’t it? Well, it doesn’t matter ‘cos I’m already here.” A smile makes way to my lips at this. He is giving his speech. I totally forgot he would be giving a speech.

 

He turns to Zayn, “I’m sorry Zayn I don’t have any actual speech ready for this moment so I don’t know what’s going to come out of my mouth. Apologies to everyone if it is embarrassing. I’m a novice speaker so kindly just bear with me.” He chuckles and there’s a low rumble of laughter from the guests. “First of all, I would like to thank all the best men here. Thank you for looking after and keeping up with these two. I would especially like to thank Liam’s brothers, Coleen, Mike, and Harry. You all look fabulous and thank you for looking after Liam. We all know he can be a little nervous. I would also like to thanks the flower girls Zara and Misha, you both look so lovely in your fairy dresses darlings. I would also like to thank you all for being here today and joining in the celebration of their union. To see these many people at a wedding in a different country amazes me. I can’t get over how far people will travel for free food and booze and I say this as I have flown halfway across the world to be here.” He has all my attention. After such a long time I’m listening to his voice for this long without interruption. I’ve missed it.

 

“For those who think Zayn is the coolest and chilled out all the time, well I must say you all have missed the sight at 8 this morning when he was lying face down on his bed only in his underwear, freaking out from his nerves. It took a few shots of vodka and a big cheesy chicken burger to calm down. It was my duty to make sure he attended his own wedding sober and dressed adequately.” Everyone laughs again.

 

“I was totally surprised when Zayn sent me a video asking me to be his best man. To be honest, I haven’t lived up to best friend status for the past couple of years. I’ve been an absent friend and even though it delighted me that Zayn thought of inviting me, it somehow made me emotional. I have no idea what I did to deserve such an honor. Thanks for thinking about me Zayn,” he raises his glass to him and Zayn nods. “Now, traditionally I’m supposed to dish out all the embarrassing things about him at this given opportunity but I’m under strict instruction and I won’t talk about our holiday in Barcelona where we went to celebrate Zayn’s 19th birthday and somehow ended up stealing a police car, driving it through a red light in the heavy traffic and getting a fine which would have pulled a small country out of debt. I’m not even supposed to tell you all that during that holiday we lost three phones, almost sold Niall to local goons, and Zayn’s dignity was in question. Well, we’ve all sworn that we won’t talk about it, so I won’t. But the highlights I can give are that Zayn spent all day on the beach wearing a mermaid costume, and Zayn and I tried our hands, well I should say our hips and legs, at pole dancing while drunk and ended up spraining them. We both have an incomplete care bear tattoo from that trip and neither one of us recalls why and where we got it.” The entire room erupts in laughter.

 

“I don’t know how long I’ve known Zayn, but it feels like forever now. I think it was when he joined me and Niall in middle school but we knew each other before that as well since our parents worked together. Yup, that’s a long time. Zayn says he went to law school and got a degree. But as far as I know, he spent most of his time playing football, bowling, and snooker. After he was officially an adult and could flash his real ID card and threw away his fake one, he spent most of the time in the pub. Well, we were typical students back then. It was when we were doing our masters in law that Zayn and Liam met. It was through some confusion and instead of Zayn, Liam got kicked out of class. Zayn felt quite guilty about it and he invited Liam for a party which he decided to throw on the spot while trying to make it up to Liam’.

 

What? This is new information. Zayn is hiding his face and Liam has a surprised expression on his face.

 

“Over the weeks and months, they became friends and eventually lovers. Every time I looked at them, I believed more in love. They both come from very diverse and different backgrounds and yet they do it so magnificently that it can make anyone believe in love.” Louis looks at them fondly.

 

“I feel incredibly honored to be given this opportunity to be your best man and share this day with you. Zayn you are an incredible son, brother, and friend, and I know you are going to be an even better husband. I can’t wait to hear about your new role as a husband after I move back to London. Liam, I hope you can lend us Zayn every once in awhile, even though he is a pain in the arse sometimes, we like to have him around. And lastly as a best man, it is my duty to give them some wise advice. Well, I’m not married so I don’t know how it works. I tried to ask every married couple how it works and even they couldn’t tell me.” Everyone laughs at his words. “I wish you both a long and happy married life. I hope happiness never leaves you and that everything you touch brings you both ample joy in life. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in raising your glasses to the newly married Mr. & Mr. Malik Payne and give them all the best wishes for their new journey.”

 

Everyone raises their glasses to toast them and Zayn and Liam kiss once again. My eyes flicker towards Louis who is fondly looking at them and wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.

  


I’m quite emotional as we say goodbye to the newlyweds, who are off to their honeymoon. I can’t believe they are married now. How badly were they looking forward to this day with a mix of nervousness, anxiety and months of hard work to plan the wedding. Well, it all paid off really well, the wedding was exquisite and equally dreamy. I just hope that their love grows more and more each day.

 

As I hug Liam I say, “I’m so happy for you, mate.”

 

“Save me a bottle of wine when I come back, we are gonna have a lot to talk about,” he says and I nod.

 

Zayn is standing with his mom when I reach towards him to bid him goodbye. Pulling him into a hug I wish him the best for his holiday and he says what he shouldn’t have in this moment. “Talk to Louis, Haz!”

 

“You should be looking forward to your holiday and not trying to fix your best friend’s mishaps,” I smooth down his suit.

 

“I’m very partial to him, the universe knows this. But seriously Haz…” his voice has a hint of urgency. For once I don’t want to hear his side of the explanation.

 

A couple of minutes later we’re waving them goodbye as they drive off.

 

*

 

My flight back home isn’t for the next five hours so Mike and I have decided to leave the hotel and do some sightseeing before we go to the airport. While packing for the wedding, I tried to keep it to a minimum, but packing two suits takes a lot of space. I changed into casuals before I started packing.

 

It’s nice that Niall and Sandy are going to stay back for a couple of days and have a little holiday. I, however, have to report back to work the day after tomorrow. The life of a lawyer!

 

There’s the loud thud of the door slamming which makes me jump a little in my place. What the fuck was that? I turn around and find Louis locking the door with a miserable expression on his face. He takes quick strides towards me. I’m quite shocked actually. We didn’t talk or interact at all throughout the wedding, apart from when he snapped a picture of me.

 

“Why are you avoiding me?” he demands.

 

“What do you mean?” I say and turn back to pack my stuff. There’s an uncomfortable silence between us for a few seconds. But I can feel his eyes on me. Suddenly he bends down and picks all my stuff and throws it in my bag. Before I can process anything else, he rushes into the bathroom and brings out my toiletry bag, throws it in, and zips the suitcase.

 

“There! Now talk to me. No more distractions.” I can feel the imperative rush of his voice. He looks like a mess, there’s wetness around his eyes. He’s never all over the place he’s always very much in control of himself. It’s not a pretty sight to see him like this.

 

I try to walk away to the mini bar, but he blocks my way, “You ain’t going anywhere until we talk.” He warns me. My eyes fall on his face and my breath catches in my throat at his ragged breathing.

 

“What do you want?” I say.

 

“I just want to know why you’ve been avoiding me for the past five years,” he says. “What have I done Harry?” He chokes at his words.

 

“Done?” I’m shocked. “You don’t remember anything or what?”

 

Is he really trying to act innocent? Don’t push me, Louis, I haven’t forgotten anything.

 

“Tell me!”

 

“Oh! So don’t you remember us having something, spending nights in each other’s arms and you lying to me about loving me and then two days later moving to another country without saying anything? Hell, you didn’t even bother to tell me about moving to New York.” I say aggressively.

 

“I never lied about loving you, Harry. Everything I said was true. I meant every word,” he says.

 

“Really? Why should I believe you? You didn’t even bother to let your best friend whether you would be coming to the wedding or not. Do you know he didn’t ask anyone else to be his best man? And basically, three days before the wedding his cousin had to talk him into letting him be his best man. He didn’t want to give your place to anyone else. And you didn’t bother much and kept him in limbo. You didn’t even call him, did you?”

 

“I know I’ve been the worst. It was always in the back of my mind to call him and talk to him but I don’t know how three months passed and I didn't realize until three days before the wedding. I left everything and hopped onto the first plane I could catch. I could only tell Niall about it.” He explains genuinely.

 

“Congratulations for that,” I say sarcastically.

 

“Harry, I get so busy I don’t have time for anything. Believe me! I haven’t even seen their invitation card ‘cos he sent it to my New York apartment and I haven’t been home in seven months. I had no clue about the celebration and the schedule.” A tear falls from his eyes. “Please talk to me.”

 

“Zayn told me you wanted to talk, so let’s do it just ‘cos he asked me to,” I say rather harshly.

 

“I’m sorry, Harry!”

 

“Sorry for what? Walking out on me?”

 

“I never walked out on you. I came back that evening, but you had already left for Cheshire. Your phone was switched off. I tried to reach you. Liam told me your nan wasn’t well. I thought you might want to spend some time alone with your family and therefore I didn’t call you repeatedly or message you.”

 

“You lied to me! You said that your were going to meet Niall for breakfast but you met Tia and you didn’t even bother to let me know about moving to New York.” I’m so angry right now.

 

“What are you saying, Harry? I met Niall for breakfast that morning, Tia and Sandy tagged along with him. I didn’t know that until I got there. And my move to New York was a rather impulsive decision. I never wanted to hurt you Harry. It was you who never wanted any commitment. I thought moving away from the country would help me heal my heart.” He sobs at the last sentence.

 

“Yeah! Blame it on me.” He has some nerve.

 

“You went cold on me when I told you that I loved you, you were the one who only wanted a no strings attached relationship, you were the one who didn’t have time for a relationship. You were the one who left the city without informing me. You didn’t even bother to tell  me about your nan. You didn’t want me in your personal space,” he says.

 

I freeze at his words. Was that how it looked to him? That I pushed him away. I _never_ did.

 

“Trust me Harry! I tried to get in touch with you but you never replied and later you deactivated all your social media accounts. Niall told me you didn’t want to hear anything about me. It broke my heart Harry. It broke me so badly. For the last five years I have only wondered what have I done that made you hate me so much,” he breaks into proper sobs. “Tell me please! I’ll do anything to fix it.”

 

It’s all too much for me to process. He’s lying again. He does it so well. I can’t stand him anymore. “Just fucking stop! You have no right to come back and hurt me again like this. I’m not falling for your words again. I did that years ago and I have suffered immeasurably for all these years’. I pick up my suitcase. “Goodbye Louis!”

 

I storm out of the room and head straight for the common washroom to cry my eyes out.

  
*


	9. Chapter 9

**_Six months later …_ **

 

A drop of rain falls on my face and the cold spiky air is like needles in my chest. The weather in London takes unexpected turns regularly. It was snowing a couple of weeks back and it was a very out of the blue kind of snow. My coat is keeping me warm for my 10 minutes walk to the tube station. Since it’s Friday, I decided to finish everything before I left the office for the weekend. It’s pretty late, around 10 pm, but the rush on the streets is still consistent. Nothing will stop the Londoners from enjoying the weekend, no matter how the weather is. Pulling my hood over my head, I quicken my pace towards the station. I hope I can reach home quickly and curl up under my blanket. The good thing is that I can catch up on some much-needed sleep for the next two days because my schedule has been jam packed for a while now.

 

As I reach the station, it is swarmed with the general rush. There’s still 10 minutes before my tube arrives. I rub my hands together and look at my favorite coffee shop which is packed too. I look at the other small cafe on the other side. Just as I’m going through their menu it clicks that I haven’t had dinner yet. I order myself a coffee, and a chicken and egg sandwich. I haven’t had a proper homemade meal for some time. I’ve been dependent on takeaways and pizza. For the next two days, I’m gonna binge on proper homemade food.

 

The train arrives as soon as I reach the platform. People in my carriage are either dressed for a party or look tired as hell like they’re coming back from work like me. It’s not too crowded in the carriage, which is a good thing. There’s a bunch of young girls with colorful hair in the seats across from me. They’re laughing over something, laughing too loudly. I decide to take out my earphones and complete the journey listening to the new Coldplay album while eating my dinner.

 

"Oh my God!" one of the girl screeches looking at her phone, gathering the attention of the others. "Louis Tomlinson is gonna be on BBC Radio right now. Damn! I love him."

 

I freeze hearing his name. I haven’t talked to him since Liam and Zayn’s wedding. Last I heard was that he was going to move back to London and it was Niall who told me that. Hearing that made my heart skip a beat, but I didn’t look further into it. There was something in the newspaper about him but I didn’t read that either. Liam being Liam asked me two days ago if I wanted to go and see his photo exhibition, but I declined the offer. Later that day, Zayn texted me asking to go and see his exhibition. I didn’t reply to his text. I know he’s very biased when it comes to Louis, but honestly, he should stop. Last time he asked me to talk to him, I did and it did not end well.

 

“He’s going to talk about the idea behind his exhibition,” the girl continues. She’s almost screaming with joy. Why does Louis have girls swooning over him? He is just a photographer! Suddenly the smile vanishes from her face, “It’s the last day of his photo exhibition and I couldn’t go ‘cos of stupid uni. You know I even tweeted him saying how sad I am that I missed his exhibition and he replied saying he will do it again later, during the holiday season. Can you believe he replied to me? To me?” she’s screaming again.

 

Putting in my earplugs I look down at the floor. Even though I have tried to act all strong and in control, only I know how badly I have been doing. My mind has been all over the place since I last saw him. I couldn’t keep what he said away from my mind. I overworked to forget about it, but his words echo inside my head all the time. Sometimes I lie awake at night and think if I was really the reason behind whatever has happened over the past few years. I never looked at it from his point of view, but since he told me about it, it makes me feel guilty. I’m too hurt to really accept it as a possibility. But I’ve missed him like hell. I thought I got closure with him since I last saw him, but no, it wasn’t closure because my need to be with him grows by the day. Every single day I wake up disappointed that he isn’t next to me, and I come back home with the false sense that he might be waiting for me. But one thing is consistent, whenever I can’t sleep, I can still imagine that I’m in his arms and I fall asleep instantly.

 

It’s been forever since I’ve heard his voice. I want to hear his voice. My stupid sense of pride keeps me away from all good things like Louis. Well, here and now no one knows about us, so I can listen to him and then I’ll go home and wrap myself in my blanket and misery and miss Louis even more. How much do I like hurting myself? I take a deep breath and tune into the radio interview.

 

“Hello and welcome everyone to our late weekend show. I’m your host Kevin and tonight we have with us,” the host pauses and my breath pauses with him. “The very talented…,” he pauses again. He is trying to create an element of suspense but can he not, my heart is beating far too quickly. “.. the very charming… most sought after travel photographer…,” he is going to announce him now. “.. Louis Tomlinson... Yayy,” the host squeals in delight and hidden behind all the squealing and delight is Louis’ laughter.

 

“Thank you so much for having me,” Louis says. His voice is laced with passion and I can sense that he is happy to be there.

 

“So today we are not in our studio but we are at Louis’ photo exhibition,” Kevin says. Louis chuckles behind him. “And I must say it was our team’s decision to do it here. I’ll tell you why... because right now in front of me are the world’s most beautiful pictures and I’m going to walk through the gallery and discuss it with the man himself.”

 

“Aww.. thank you so much!” Louis loves when he is complimented. A smile makes its way to my lips thinking about how happy he must be right now.

 

“So here is the first picture of a beach... Wanna explain what this is? It’s quite different from the rest,” Kevin asks.

 

“This is the first picture I took as a travel photographer. It was taken in Coney island. It’s very close to my heart, I was an intern back then.” Louis says. I can imagine his delicate fingers brushing his own piece of art.

 

“How did it all start? How did you become a travel photographer?” Kevin asks.

 

His raspy voice comes on again, “Umm.. well I always kinda wanted to be a photographer. I was seven when I  got my first  camera.” I can imagine him going into the reminiscing mode. There’s always a satisfactory glow on his face when he talks about his passions, but this is actually the first time I’ll be hearing about how he became a photographer. “I couldn’t stop taking photos and back then we used to have the film ones,” Louis says.

 

“Yeah yeah! That already seems like a lifetime ago,” Kevin says.

 

Louis chuckles, “Yeah! It feels like a long time ago, man. And that’s it! That’s how I knew I wanted to be a photographer. And I always loved traveling and that’s how I knew I wanted to be a professional travel photographer.”

 

“That’s amazing dude,” Kevin says. “But I gotta ask, you’re the son of Derek Tomlinson who owns one of the biggest law firms in the UK. How does he feel about your dream?”

 

“He was always supportive of my dreams and aspirations. He just wanted me to study law as a backup, so I did before I took off to follow my dream career,” Louis says proudly.

 

“Wow!” Kevin says. “Moving on can we talk about the next two pictures here?”

 

“Yes! This one is the Atlantic Ocean Road in Norway,” Louis says ecstatically. “Here’s a tip, if you ever visit Norway don’t miss this one. It’s so good and relaxing.”

 

For the next few minutes, Louis keeps telling him about various photos. I can only imagine his happiness when he traveled to all these parts of the world. These places seem so untouched. They weren’t regular holiday destinations that you hear so much about, they were rare and unusual places. Right now, I feel so happy that he’s living his dream to the fullest.

 

“Before we move on Louis I gotta ask you! You’ve moved to London now right?” Kevin asks.

 

“Yeah absolutely!”

 

“And you are also going to have your own tv show which will be about traveling!” Kevin is so in awe of him.

 

“Yeah I’m going to have my own travel show,” Louis says excitedly. “Can’t wait to start working on it, man!”

 

“What made you change your mind? I mean it’s a change of career, isn’t it?”

 

“Not really! Now it will be me traveling with an entire crew for a month every six months and discover new places. It won’t be just me and my camera,” Louis laughs. “And about what changed my mind! Well, a few months ago my best friend got married and it made me realize how much I have missed him in my life. I have been living my life in airplanes and hotel rooms and traveling to a new place every day, which is equally scary and exciting. I just .. I guess I wanted to come back home. Yeah!”

 

I can sense a hint of pain in his voice. Why is there sorrow there?

 

“I’m glad that you took this decision. Shall we move on?” Kevin asks.

 

“Be my guest,” Louis says.

 

“Wait a minute! What am I looking at? Who is this guy gracing the walls of the gallery?” Kevin seems astonished. “There are so many beautiful pictures of him here.”

 

I can hear Louis taking a sharp breath. Who is this person? His subject?

 

“Is he your muse Louis?” Kevin asks.

 

“No! He is the man I love the most,” Louis says.

 

I think my heart just falls out. What? Louis is in love? With whom? I swallow the lump in my throat. He’s put his pictures on the wall of the gallery where he is doing his first exhibition. First time and he decided to put his pictures. Who the hell is he? I’m going to die one day and he will be responsible for it. Why can’t Louis ever choose me? Tears make way to my eyes.

 

“You are in love Louis Tomlinson! Tell us all about him. How long have you been together?” Kevin asks excitedly.

 

“We’re not together.”

 

Wait! What?

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Louis. But does he know that you love him?” Kevin asks.

 

“I’m sure he knows! But for some reason, he doesn’t believe me.”

 

I can feel my heart in my throat. The only thing I feel right now is my heartbeat.

 

“Why? How long have you loved him?”

 

“I have loved him since I first saw him. He looked pretty nervous for his first day in uni. Well, he was three weeks late for the classes so that’s understandable. His curly hair was everywhere. He looked like a lost puppy that day but honestly, I’ve never seen a more charming face in my life before.”

 

I think I’m gonna pass out. I can’t breathe.

 

“Yeah! He has a pretty face,” Kevin agrees.

 

“He’s more than that, more than a pretty face. He is so intelligent and hardworking. He always motivated me. The more time I spent around him, the more I wanted to be with him. But he had these jobs and the hours were so long he rarely socialized with us. I decided to ask him to tutor me, even though I didn’t need any tutoring, I just wanted to spend some time around him and get to know him better. He is such a sweet soul.”

 

“What happened then?”

 

“I told him I loved him, he didn’t believe me and we had some misunderstandings after I left the country. But there never was and there will never be another person in my life other than him,” Louis says. His voice cracking.

 

“Have you seen him lately?”

 

“We met at my friends’ wedding. It did not end well.” I can hear his vulnerability.

 

“Have you tried contacting him?” Kevin is too deep in his story.

 

“He’s stubborn and if he decides to not acknowledge my existence, he won’t do it even though it will keep him up all night,” Louis says sadly.

 

“How do you know he can’t sleep at night?”

 

“Because I can’t. He isn’t next to me or in my arms. And if I can’t fall asleep peacefully without him, he can’t either. The universe isn’t that unfair to me that he can have a proper night’s sleep when I’m suffering without him.”

 

A tear falls from my eye. Louis! I take a deep breath and I try to gather myself. What the fuck have I done? Shit…

 

“Does he know that his pictures are here?”

 

“He hasn’t visited so I don’t know what he knows or doesn’t know,” Louis says.

 

“What’s his name? Can we know? Do you want to send him a message right now? Maybe he’s listening,” Kevin says.

 

“He knows who he is and I also know he is listening to this right now. I know him like no one else,” Louis says confidently.

 

Fuck! LOOUUUUEEEEEEEEEEHHHHH!!!!!!!!

 

The train stops and without a second thought I’m out of the train and already running out of the station like my life depends on it. Why the fuck are these stations so big, I have been running forever, it feels like I’m crossing a country.

 

The cold air assaults my lungs as the icy cold rain drops falls on my face. But nothing is going to stop me from seeing Louis right now. Finally, after running what feels like a marathon, I stop in front of the gallery. My hands drop to my knees as I catch my breath. Oh God! I’m here. I’m going to see Louis.

 

But the lights of the porch are all out and there’s a closed sign on the door. Shit! I missed him. I look carefully and there’s a light coming from beneath the door. He must be inside. I take a deep breath, stand straight, try to fix my wet hair and clothes. As I reach the door a security guard stops me.

 

“It’s closed!” he says sternly.

 

I turn to look at him, “Please.” I beg.

 

He mouths an ‘oh’ and opens the door for me. Wow! Why did he do that? As a courtesy, I give him a smile before stepping inside.

 

Soft yellow light blinds me for a second. As I look around for Louis, my mouth hangs open looking at the pictures on the wall. Knowing he is a good photographer is one thing and seeing his work, his art is another. I can see how he must have felt being in such incredible places. Every picture tells a story. The colors are so captivating. I walk further inside the gallery, speechless looking at his work. I turn a corner and what I see takes my breath away.

 

On the wall hangs so many pictures of me. There’s one where I’m in the shower, slicking back my curls as the water falls on my face. It isn’t explicit just a close up of my face and chest. There’s another where I’m concentrating hard while I write in my notebook. There are so many pictures of me laughing and giggling. There’s only one where I’m looking directly at the camera. And it’s the one which he took at the wedding. Flower petals fall in front of me and I’m looking at him. That’s an incredible picture. The one that makes me speechless is from the yacht party though. I’m looking directly at the moon, big and white, and it seems like I’m having a conversation with it.

 

“Harry!” a whisper is what it takes for him to notify his presence. I turn around to look at him. His eyes are clouded with tears. My heart breaks looking at him like this and I fall onto my knees sobbing uncontrollably.

 

“Louis! I’m so sorry,” I beg hoping he will forgive me for what I did. This is why I don’t deserve good things in life. I end up fucking them.

 

His arms loop around me, “Look at me!”

 

I can’t. I’m too ashamed of myself. How can I even look at him? I can’t!

 

“Please!” a sob escapes him.

 

No Louis! Don’t cry. I raise my head slowly, biting my lips. His eyes are red with tears falling from them. “Don’t walk out on me this time. Please. Let me explain!”

 

“I- What the fuck have I done Louis? I was responsible for it, never you,” I say holding back my tears. I know if I don’t stop now I will never do it.

 

“No Harry! Both of us were responsible,” he says. ‘I shouldn’t have left the country when you needed me the most. I should have come down to see you and be there for you. I should have stopped Tia way before when I realized what she was doing. I should have talked to you. I shouldn’t have chickened out on you.”

 

“No, Louis! I shouldn’t have blocked you from my life. I should have given you a chance to explain. I was stupid.” I choke.

 

“And I was impulsive! I should have given it an actual thought before taking such a huge decision,” he says leaning his head to mine. His warm hands hold my cold, freezing hands.

 

“Let’s just start again!” he suggests hopefully.

 

“Please! Yes!” is all I can say while holding myself.

 

I can’t believe how blind I was. He always told me the truth and I always took it as a joke or I never believed him. I guess the stereotype surrounding cool guys clouded my judgment. I always believed that one should never judge a book by its cover and I myself never lived up to it. But in my defense, I was trying to protect myself from the hurt and in the process, I ended up hurting both of us. I think it will take me an entire lifetime to make up for it. And I’m ready.

 

“You are so cold! You’ll fall sick,” he says looking at me.

 

“I’m cold, wet, needy and very sorry,” I say. A shiver passes through me. Damn, I’m going to fall sick.

 

“Let me make you some soup,” he offers. “And then I can keep you warm in my arms if you would like.”

 

“Louis!” I say. “I missed you so much. Everyday. Every single day.”

 

“And I imagined you with me everywhere I went. Every place I saw, I tried to see it through your eyes as well. I would think about how you would like this place. You were with me in my imagination, every moment, in every breath I took,” he confesses.

 

Never have I imagined hearing this from him. I have prayed so much for him and now he is here, in front of me, with me and I don’t know how to react. It’s like my brain has stopped functioning and my heart has totally ditched me. You can’t even trust your body parts and organs in times like these. Bloody traitors.

 

“I love you, Louis!” I say. I can’t find anything else to say. I have waited to say this all my life.

 

In response to it, his lips are on mine. And as always they are demanding and giving at the same time. I’ve missed it so bad.

 

“Be mine Harry Styles,” he says breaking the kiss.

 

“I think I’ve waited a lifetime to hear this. Yes!”

 

I lunge at him and roll him on his back before sealing our lips together again. This time forever. Just us, in our own bubble, forever.

 

*


End file.
